Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Things My Mother Never Had to Tell Me

Day 13 of Free Agency....

Sitting home, rebalancing my life, certainly has its moments. Suddenly you need to review not only your job goals, but everything in your life. It's like a big microscope has pryed open your eyes. Nothing looks the same. Everything needs to be reordered.

It seems the Piggly Wiggly family has taken up residence and I never really noticed. Who else could be leaving the finger prints everywhere, or leaving the dust bunnies behind the doors and under the beds or leaving dirty laundry trails throughout the house? Certainly, its not my angels.

And just what is that smell upstairs? At first, I figured it must be the dirty laundry. So I got them in the habit of kicking it into the laundry room a little more often. Hmm, still stinks. Next, I thought it must be that they haven't been changing the sheets (I noticed the cleans ones all under the beds.) So, I started making Tuesday sheet day. Nope, that's not it. Still stinks like homeless people moved in.

Today, I figured it out. They keep pulling off the top sheets. They've gotten in the habit of sleeping on just one sheet, since the comforters are just so cozy. Great, it's the blankets. They all have body rot.

So at dinner, I started saying a new rule for less piggishness would be....and then I couldn't stop.I had to start explaining some things they had to know about life. Things they needed to understand so people would get along with them when they are older. They have to know these things, and stop being so piggy... I just had to say the things my mother never seemed to have to tell me:

1. Brush your teeth when you get up. Pee, brush your teeth, and then hug me. No one wants to
smell the jungle breath of the night before.

2. Shower every day and wash the hair. Use lots of soap. Use deodorant. Comb the hair. People don't want to smell you or look at dirty hair.

3. Stop leaving your underwear in the bathroom!

4. Aim when you pee. If you miss, clean it up. We don't like looking at random pee on the floor.

5. Put the seat down and flush when you pee. When in doubt, see rule number 4.

6. Put your dirty laundry in the laundry room. It smells.

7. Sheets need to be changed weekly, or maybe twice weekly in the summer. They smell.

8. You need to use the top sheet and sleep between the sheets. Otherwise, the blankets start to smell like body rot. Body rot makes the room reek. Rooms the permeate odors of 3rd world countries make the whole house seem unclean.

9. Dirty dishes reek. Pick them up, rinse them off, and put them in the dishwasher.

10. Stop eating in bed! Stop eating in my bed! Stop leaving food wrappers everywhere, we fired the maid when we had you!

And the twins looked at me in shock and said....

"Mom, stop breaking rule number 3!"

Oops. I guess I've been getting piggy too. Good to be the child once in awhile.


1 comment:

Shari Schmidt said...

Oh, these are so true!