Saturday, September 29, 2007

Sock It To Me

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

There’s nothing like warm fuzzy socks on a cool fall morning. Today I have on my soft red fuzzies with my pink polka dot jammies. It’s like being cocooned while you walk around trying to get warm.

Did you ever notice how socks seem to have a life of their own? How else can you explain the fact that you put them in the wash, two by two and they manage to come out 5 by 3. Where do they end up? Are the single ones jumping ship to have a mad affair with a pair of leggings? Do the tube socks come out of the closet to become a pair of knee his? Where do all the lone socks go? Is there a sock commune I don’t know about?

I just did the fall clean-up of my sock drawers. I like to have the white athletic socks separate from the boring business trouser socks. You can’t mix them or anarchy will occur, the oceans will rise and the heavens will part. I ended up with a whole bin of ripped, old unmatched socks, lots of quitters, socks that won’t stay up no matter how much you tried. I have to go attack the kids’ sock drawers. For that, I may need the fortification of an adult beverage.

It’s amazing what you find when you go looking for missing socks in their rooms. Cupcake likes to “clean” her room by shoving all the dirty clothes 1) in her dresser with the clean clothes 2) in her toy boxes in her closet 3) kicking & screaming under her bed during the 5 minute tidy up. It’s amazing how little time it takes to clean when you hide the clothes. The boys just like to leave the clothes in a large heap, covering the rug from one end of the room to other. When they finally clean (think eclipse of the moon timeframe), Babe Ruth likes to say, “Hey Mom, look, someone put a rug in here when we weren’t looking.” Nice.

For years, ever since about age 11, I have had the biggest foot in the house (size 12 women’s). Well, last year Wild Child finally surpassed me and achieved an 11 men’s. I thought this would be so great. I can slip on someone else’s shoes when I run out to get the dog. But it turns out, when a size 11 puts on other people’s socks’, they stretch out and stay a size 11. Who Knew? The good thing, Wild Child has 98 pairs of socks. The bad news, the rest of only have quitters that fall off with the first step.

So it’s time to go sock shopping again. I dread this on two fronts 1) They cost as much as a pound of good steak 2) I never seem to buy the kind anyone likes.
The Queen mentions the problem of buying the RICHT socks just the other day. Her DH wanted socks, and she had a $10 JCP coupon. He wanted crew socks, all cotton, this style only. She uses the coupon and buys $30 worth of crews. Takes them home, and they are the wrong socks. He pulls out what he wants again and she takes one to head back to the store. Returns the original socks, but they won’t give her the $10 credit or the coupon to use again. Screwed out of $10, she spends $40 worth now getting lots of socks and takes them home, making sure to get the all cotton like he wanted. DH opens the socks, puts one on, and gets frustrated. Still the wrong sock. She gets mad, and tells him to go to the store and get what he wants. He does, coming home with an acrylic cotton blend!!! “Well, of course they are,” he says “they have to stretch to stay up.”

“Can you believe it,” the queen says, “he needed a blend and didn’t even tell me. But that’s not the weirdest thing about socks and my hubby,” she tells me. What now? He sometimes gets wild and goes sockless to work? He walks around with mis-matched socks on weekends? What on earth could it be?

“When you wash his socks, they always come out together. Always. He is never missing one. I’ve never seen anything like it, must be the accountant in him or something. It’s like the socks wouldn’t dare leave him unbalanced.”

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