Friday, November 14, 2014

He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

"So trust me when I say that if a guy is treating you like shit he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions." -- Alex, "He's just not that into You."

I've been on the dating merry-go-round for 7 months now. You all know the one I mean. The one where you can't think of anything else, you find yourself putting their name into random conversations, you can't sleep at night because you are too excited about seeing them tomorrow and wake up everyday realizing you dreamed again of them giving a speech before a crowd of 80,000 at Ralph of how wonderful you are and that they can't live without you.

And then you have the job interview.

The days-weeks-months of anticipation of a job interview makes having a colonoscopy look enjoyable, even heart warming.  If you haven't been lately, fill your gratitude journal everyday with platitudes of thanks for not putting you out there. I wish often for a better way to sincerely let people get to know my background, experience and skills. The jokes about hover parents going on job interviews with their millennial children seem like a good idea once I get through yet another round.

He's totally going to call. Maybe his grandma died or maybe he lost my number or is out of town or got hit by a cab....

We wait months for that call. We prepare. We spend time working out not only why we are a good fit for company, what we did in the past that demonstrates exactly why we are a good fit with their culture and how we will perform in the future. This is where it gets interesting, where you see the soft underside of the belly of a company by the details of what they are asking you.

Tell me you would handle shifting conflicting priorities, a loss of a key team member and a deadline being moved up from one month to one week from today?

Pretend you are on survivor. Your teammates all hate you, and we cut your resources in half.

We often have crazy times at XYZ company. Some days we need to come in at 6 and work until midnight. How will you handle your home life when this happens?

We believe in life balance. We work Saturdays but only half a day, and you can do it from home.

Ugh. Then there is the interviewers themselves. Taking text message during the meeting. Answering emails. And my personal favorite, calling someone on her team on the phone to question me, and them leaving the room for half the interview to talk on the phone outside the door. I suspect she was really ordering a pizza for her lunch since we meeting at 12.

If you can't even give me an hour to get to know you, I don't know what to say. You're too good for me. Anyone who ends up with you is SOOOO lucky. And my favorite:

It's not ME it's YOU.

No comments: