Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Twas the Week After Christmas & Mom was Snug as Rug With a Mug

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.

"The Human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."--Mark Twain

I braved an old frontier this past Sunday, hopping in Vicky to head to the Galleria to return gifts on the day after Christmas. What in the world was I thinking? I once again do more thing for my teens than I would ever do for myself. I hate returning things, I never return my own stuff, only stuff for my family. I would rather let stuff take up residence on my dresser for 3 months, then spend 6 years in my closet until I can no longer shut the doors, and finally move it to more comfortable lodging in the attic. I like to think these former gifts as my retirement plan, you know the one, where you slowly sell all you own on Ebay to pay for your Depends and Metamucil and canned dog food you buy at CeilingMart, where you work as a greeter, handing out smiley faces as you lean on your walker.

Actually, it wasn't too bad, I breezed through 5 stores, one after another and didn't get one hassle from any of the future leaders of our country wearing the lip ring, eyebrow ring, belly ring, liver clip or kidney barrettes that are popular ways for our youth to spend their college loans. The crowds were a bit maddening, as you noticed the Mom's with the bags and lists herding their families through each store, looking hassled and tired while the kids were shopping, shopping, shopping with their Christmas plunder. And nary a Dad was in site. I imagine they were home sleeping off the
family induced method of dealing with each other, a.k.a., holiday carb coma that. Seriously, our Moms didn't teach us to bake 140 dozen cookies, melt everything under the Sun with cheese on it, encase all kinds of meat in pastry and make dips with more fat than most third world countries see in a year, no, the real reason we do all this madness is to get some peace the week after the holiday.

My favorite Christmas movie is White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. Most people say its the romance of the movie and Bing's singing that sucks them in every year, but not me. No, I actually live for the most honest line in a movie I can remember. Bing Crosby ask Danny Kaye why he should go on date, why bother meeting, a woman when he's clearly too busy to bother with one? And Danny tells him, I want you to get married, and have 9 kids, and if you spend just 5 minutes a day with each kid, and that will give me 45 minutes a day to go get a massage or something. I love it, just love it.

That's really why we do all this stuff, starting months before to put on a pageant last 15 minutes. We are all in it to get 45 minutes to ourselves and go get a massage or something. The kids are snug with Uggs and Xbox COD in their beds, the spouses are passed out from carb induced comas and we get to sit down and go ahhhh, the best AH of the year, even beating out Meg Ryan's Ah in "When Harry Met Sally." We did it. We say, we came, we conquered.

AHHHHHH. No matter your beliefs or your holidays, its time to sit back and say it with me, "AHHHHHHH". Amen. May God Bless you with the joy you gave your family this week all year long.

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