Thursday, May 14, 2009

Always a kid

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.

Mom's day with the parents is always amusing--for my kids. They love that my parents treat me as a teenager. It gives them great giggles to see a Mom they don't know, who get hollered at for not cleaning up the mess, told she drives too fast and gets a "what the hell are you wearing look" whenever she visits. I have come to believe its the highlight of their day, and often brings up funny stories for weeks after when they repeat my parents comments to me at opportune moments. Somehow, I can manage multi-million businesses but don't know how to dress myself or eat properly.

Well, I know my parents have nothing but love for me at they make the comments they always have. I often wonder if we just lose the ability to see anything else but the little children when we look at our kids. While its great to see in them the countless hugs, the bath time kisses and cuddle time watching a video on Fridays, its not good to only see the times they were human and let us down by making bad choices or not doing things the way we would have. Its a delicate balance and one we all fail at once in awhile.

I often thought an amusing TV show would be one with parents who second guess every choice they ever made with their kids. Every calammity that happens now is directly related to something in the past in their minds. We see the child climbing out of the crib and the parents laughing, and flash forward to the teenager sneaking out of the window late at night. But now the parents have the ability to go back, and change the original decision, and we get to see a new outcome. So instead of laughing at the child, they sit on him and refuse to let him out of the crib, and then a whole other set of problems develops, like the inability to walk or explore. Sort of "Back to the Future" for families.

The problem is of course, the reality would keep changing too much and who knows what the outcome would be . Severely messed up I am sure. Great TV comedy, but bad reality TV. It is pretty easy to second guess ourselves during stress about the choices we have made and how we got where we are.

Raising kids is a delicate balancing act and sometimes driving the boat backwards seems easier.
But the reality is that the wake of the boat is behind us. We can't turn around are have the water lay back down. We can't re drive the paths we have travelled, we can only go forward. We can't hit reverse, drive back to the hospital and put the baby back in (and who really wants to stay up all night teething again??). I often say during times of trouble that they can't be mine, I was drugged up and think I was given the wrong baby...but then my husband reminds me I didn't take drugs during the birth, it was only after that I needed to take meds to deal with permanent seats in detention, principals with direct lines to your office and modern day teenage rivalry via video tapes on You Tube and texting insults at the speed of light. What ever happened to crying over simple phone calls and passing notes in math class? Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore.

Despite all this, its still fun on a daily basis. Often we look back a year later and laugh about the crap that drove us to drink, like the time my son drove a go-cart 8 miles down Transit Road to pick up a friend, and ran out of gas on the way back. Of course, he had to call Dad to come pick him up. What a phone call that was. Or that Maggie regularly jumped on her twin Luke as a toddler to bite him on his back. "It was her only defense." I was afraid to go to the doctor with them for 3 years because I was sure they would think I was biting them.

So whatever it is the kids have done now, it will pass. It's too easy to see every wrong thing they ever did and not see how much they have grown and changed, or see the person they are NOW. Its the cause of many fights and also many hugs and kisses. Groundings become moments to reconnect and reconfigure. We need to try and adapt to who they are now, not the child they were.

All that being said, I have to go take Maverick out of time out. Its time for his sippy cup as we drive to go visit our new best friend, the high school principal.


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