Monday, January 12, 2009

Self Care

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.

"Your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food, she's craving love."--Marianne Williamson

I did my weekly grocery shopping yesterday and finally tracked down the January issue of "O" magazine (no Mr. Clancy, its not about orgasms, its the Oprah magazine, get over yourself already.) I've not really ever been a reader of her magazine, but I wanted to read about her comments on struggling with her weight. Yes, I could have trekked to the library, but my weekly trip has been rescheduled out of my life for a couple of months now. So, I found her comments on her struggle last year with her 40 found weight gain very informative, and here is one part that hit home for once:

What I've learned this year is that my weight issue isn't about eating less or working out harder, or even about a malfunctioning thyroid., It's about my life being out of balance, with too much work and not enough play, not enough time to calm down. I let the well run dry. Here's another thing this past year has been trying to teach me, Oprah continues, " I don't have a weight problem--I have a self-care problem that manifest itself through weight."

Now I have heard the self-care line many times before, but it really clicked when I read that, or you could say, I finally listened to it after searching out just that article. For the past 40 days or so I wanted to read that and kept thinking about it--why? I say we really do get messages when we are ready to listen, and not just when we need them.

A self-care problem, me? I decided it must be an issue when I closely examined my dear friends Christmas presents to me. Syd's Mom bought me beautiful purple gloves and a scarf--after hearing that I never have gloves because my kids take them, and lose them, and I don't get out to replace them, I just drive around like a bag woman with mismatched gloves. (honestly, this story gets worse). The queen bought me jammies, "Barking All the Way" is on them, in honor of my dog Molly, who never shuts up when we are on the phone. The jammies are because I often can't find cuddly clothes to lounge around in, the sweats are dirty, the 2 pair of jammies are lost in the sea of laundry I haven't finished. And Mrs. GM gave me a glass measuring cup for liquid measure and a wine opener. She watched me try to get the cork off my wine opener so I could open another bottle, using pliers and whatever else, and decided maybe I had an issue with the old one. Again, why buy a new one, only I drink wine, its okay, never mind me, just go on.

Wonderful, thoughtful gifts, everyone of them, and they all scream that I don't love myself enough to buy things to make my life easier. I put myself last, or in the case of the library, not on the list at all. Push your needs aside and never handle them. I can do without, its okay, I'm a Mom right? I even took exercising off the list. I so treasure my one hour alone before they house wakes from their crypts, that I stopped going to the gym. My husband started working overnights and is often asleep at night. In our tiny house, this means one less room to go to for solitude. I suddenly had no place to have quiet and wasn't getting it. The only time I could grab it was at 4 a.m. when I normally awoke to get up and go to the gym at 5. (I know, again with the why at that time--because I don't take time away from the family at night when I workout in the morning.)

And then the food issues. Well, don't cook vegetables and fruits and seafood that you love, cook crap convenience food because everyone else likes that. There is a point when compromise becomes burying yourself a sea of excuses and you need to dig out and begin again. Love yourself enough to schedule your life with YOU in it. Plan some fun, buy what is necessary to make life livable and don't look back. I started with a chick flick on Friday with Hannah, rolled into Saturday by not working, and added in a trip to the book store on Sunday. Go me.

I actually bought socks yesterday at Marshall's. The size 12's I was blessed with, which double as rocket launching pads for NASA, needed new coverings. I needed them for forever, as witnessed by me canvassing around for baseball socks last week when I couldn't find the last good pair I owned. I have to buy men's to have them last, and wasn't even making the trip for the past year. Jeesh. But I found them and some other goodies as well, like designer jeans for $16, yeah me!

And this whole self-care thing isn't just about putting me in the equation, its about health. As I called my good friend last night to check on her Mom's breast cancer, she reminded me, we both need to lose the belly fat. Most major diseases come from that and we aren't young anymore as we think . Time is running out and we need to get the fat off now, not be a super model, but be healthy.

Time to hit the where are those spinning shorts and sneaks? Do you think they'd let me in With jammies on?

Take care of you, so you can take care of everyone else. Live strong.

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