The Christmas List

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.


When I was about 12, I desperately wanted pierced ears. All my friends already had them, along with the requisite 12 pairs of earrings and matching necklaces. I was this skinny girl with red hair and freckles and no visible curves, while my blond-haired, green eyed flirtatious best friend was already turning heads with her figure and clothes. I just wanted to fit in like all the other girls in junior high. So when my parents asked for our Christmas lists, I wrote in very large letters across the top "PIERCED EARS."

But it was not to be. My mother's ears bled terribly when she got her ears pierced, so she wanted to delay this possibility with me as long as possible. So no earrings again. I was so crushed.

My closest brother Joe, was doing odd jobs in the neighborhood for one family and making some serious spending money. Probably 40 bucks a week in 1974. He saved his money up, and on Christmas Eve, at age 14, walked the 2 miles into the local hardware store, Arthur's. There weren't any Walmart's or close malls at that point in time. Arthur's had a little bit of everything, including jewelry. He got me a pair of clip on Santa earrings. He also bought an electric blanket for my Mom, because "she was always complaining she was cold." He walked in a pretty good snowstorm and bought the stuff for that night.

I remember opening the earrings and being so happy. I wore them everyday, even when we went back to school on January 6. I was just so ecstatic over the earrings. It was really sweet that he did that. I wore them every Christmas for many years until they fell apart. I don't have them anymore, but when I do my day-after Christmas shopping like I did today, and I see the marked down Christmas jewelry, it always makes me smile in remembrance.

Joe was so happy working for that family. They treated him great and just loved him. The Mom made cookies just for him and give him great snacks. I remember how fondly he talked about them. He just loved all the attention. Years later, when the drugs finally over took my brother and his life was over too soon, that family showed up and talked about what a great boy he was. It was such a comfort and joy to hear. 20 years later, it still sticks in my brain.

I spent a lot of time growing up at my friends' homes and having the Moms show me great love and food. Even my blond-haired, green eyed best friend fed me many a night, even though it was often dinner number two for me. Kathleen's Mom. Sheila's Mom. Elizabeth's. I just loved how they opened their homes to kids and fed them and laughed, so I try to do that in my home today. My DH would rather not have the noise and mess, but I just ignore him.

Tonight Wild Child has Soccer Boy over. I had clementines in the house one time last year, and Soccer Boy managed to eat a whole box of them, leaving the peels in the box. It just made me smile. Someday I will run into Soccer Boy the man and joke about who ate all the clementines.

So tonight, I ran out and bought a new box of clementines just because. And smiled and laughed. I tried to tell him he could only have 2. But of course, he snuck back a half hour later and took 2 more.

I don't mind the noise of the kids, because I hope it makes them feel the house is theirs and that we will always be there for them and their friends. I like to know what they are up to, at least for the night. I am sure they are pulling the wool over my eyes at times, but at least I have them close by to see it.

Showering them with love may be all that I have at times. But least they have that to carry them into adulthood. And if this helps them reach it, so be it.

Cookie Day

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
Elbert Hubbard

My Mom always filled the house with love and cookies at Christmas. Not just a plate of cookies, mind you. But dozens and dozens of 10 different kinds of cookies. Italian Fig Cookies. Mexican Wedding Cakes. Peanut Butter Blossoms. Cutouts. Leuberkiens. Hello Dollies. Rum Balls.

Each recipe was doubled or tripled to make 10 or 12 dozen at least. Baking began after Thanksgiving and was complete by her birthday on December 12. Everyday brought another treat, and we'd get some samples. But most of the cookies went in our cookies closet, which was really the closet by the front door that had no heat. It stored all the cookies perfectly, at around 45 degrees. We'd sneak out a take a handful whenever we could, but especially when my parents napped after dinner. Mom didn't want all the Christmas cookies to be gone before company came, so she'd make a hold over cookies for us:

12 dozen Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies.

These cookies were open season and we could eat all we wanted. If she was lucky, we would chow threw them and leave the Christmas cookies alone.

So as a grown-up (okay, not really, I just pretend) I continue on with this tradition. I force myself to cut back to around 6 kinds, at about 10 dozen each. I have to try and just live with what I can crunch out in a weekend.

This year, my friend the Queen asked if we could do a cookie day together. I don't have any sisters, so this was a special treat to me. I always wanted someone to bake with again. I did it a few times with friends in my 20's (B.C.--before children) and it was a blast. So I looked forward to a cookie day at the Palace (the queen's nest).

So, the questions started. Want me to pick up supplies and you just give me some money? Sure. Okay, what kinds will be make?. Well, whatever. What do you mean, whatever? Well, I'm not really a cookie person. I only make one kind. So, whatever you make is fine.

This should have been my clue "I'm not really a cookie person." (<--major foreshadowing).

So I stopped at 2 different stores, and bought 4 bags of stuff. Then I asked if she had a stand-up mixer? No, just a hand mixer. Hand? Forget it. I am not breaking my hand. So I loaded up the 40 pund Kitchenaid. Then I went to look for my cookie tubs. I couldn't find them anywhere. Oh well, let's just go.

Arrived at the Queens'. Brought in the ton of stuff. And started. Mixed the dough for the pastry with nut filling Croatian cookies. This dough needs to set, so I had to make it first. As I started to mix and pour, the Queen is getting antsy. I don't know why. I am putting stuff away as I go. I am washing as I go. I am only in the one area. I know she's and anal retentive neat kitchen freak, so I am trying to guess what I am doing that is driving her up a wall. She's trying to be what too nice and not tell me, but I can tell by the 2 smokes in 15 minutes that I am driving her absolutely nuts.

Finally I asked. What. What do you mean what? What am I doing that bothers you? The dishwasher. What about the dishwasher? I am not using it right now. Well, you are getting flour all over it and all over the counter. Well, of course I am. It's a dough. I have to mix it, and then I have to knead it on the counter. Well, there's flour in the crevices of the dishwasher. Oh, sorry. Move out of the way. I have to put tinfoil over it or you will drive me nuts. Ok.

So the dishwasher got a bib. And the queen spent the day washing up after me. Now, I know I have to wash as I go and I did. But the Queen takes the cleaning while baking to an extreme. I mean, you do have to use things to bake with. And as I put cookies in the oven, and waited for them to come out, she would wash up the bowl and mixing cups I just used. Okay, not a problem. Cookies would come out, and I would use the metal spatula to take one pan off the sheet to cool, while sheet 2 was still in the over for a couple more minutes. I would take the hot cookies off, and move some cool cookies to a container to make room. Then, I would go get the next cookie sheet.

And the spatula would be gone. Missing. No where to be seen.

Did you take the spatula again? Yes. Did you wash the spatula again. Yes, it was gross. But I was still using it. I know, just get a new one out. But I don't want a new one each time, I just want to keep using the same one. But the Queen would keep taking it. And then the oven mits. I would set them on the counter, waiting for the next batch, and she would put them away. And so on, and so on.

Baking with a clean freak is hard. It's just a lot more work to keep getting the stuff out. Again and again. And then she picked on some of my cookies. Well, my family won't like these. Ouch. But we did manage to make her husband's Aunt Marge's cookies. Can't quite get the shape or texture, but they tasted excellent. So the King was pleased. And now he yells when I am on the phone "Come over and bake some cookies. No scratch that. Come over with cookies. No scratch that. Come and LEAVE some cookies. "

It's so nice to be loved.

And for Christmas, please send the Queen some tinfoil for her dishwasher. And some more dish soap. I am pretty sure I used it up when I was there. Or, just to be fun, spill some flour on her floor!

The Atomic Bomb made less noise then the Queen when you get flour on her flour.

But I love her anyway.

Yuletide Joy

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

The wells of joy are a little thin this year. No real reason either. Everyone is healthy. Everyone is working. The day to day problems of kids growing older and Mom's losing their sanity still abound. Money is tighter then ever. Planning is worse than ever. God took care of most of the problems in the form of overtime this fall and in the form of a Christmas job. And we also balanced by cutting back on the mindless Christmas shopping. Bought smaller. Bought smarter.

So today, when I asked the twins to give me something to feel joy about, they responded thoughtfully. We're all on vacation tomorrow from school and work. (Yeah!) And we can all be together next week and do a jammie day (Awesome!).

And the dog isn't farty today. (Nice!)

It doesn't get any better then this.

The Water Works

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.


I love sappy stories, always have. Tonight I watched the sappy Christmas movie of the night, "The Note" on the Hallmark Channel. A plane crashes and a Dad writes a last minute note to his child "All is Forgiven." The movie tells the story of a columnist searching for the recipient of the note. Pure modern day TV, all wrapped up in 120 minutes minus 100 minutes of commercials.

I of course totally relate to any human interest story with buckets of tears, or "the Water Works" as my boy twin calls it. He simply watches me and calls, "Ok Mom, here comes the water works" and he goes and gets me kleenex. (Mom, why are they called Kleenex? They do not clean and they are not clean when you finish using them.) His twin sister called out from the computer when he went to get the tissues, "And give her a hug." Nice. God's answer to tears, the twins.

The best thing in the world is when muffin boy and cupcake girl surround me and yell "Twin Hug" while they both grab on. I try to store these moments for the future years when the hormones hit and I suddenly become the plague when it comes to hugs. I know it's coming, but still, I dread it. I bank every hug for future withdrawals.

The water works thing? It came on about 4Th grade. I was reading "The Red Pony." Really enjoyed the book, but you get to the end, and the horse dies. I burst out crying, right there in the middle of the living room. My Dad asked what was wrong, and I yelled, "The horse died." From then on, whenever I cried at something sappy, it became "Oh, the horse died."

Reading that book was the first time I really felt something from reading a book. From then on, I was hooked. I was transported instantly into another world, a world of love and tears, hugs and fears. All wrapped up, and dealt with, nice and simple. I grew up in a emotionally cold household. No hugs. No kisses. No I love yous. Books game me all that. Later, as video changed our ability to re watch our favorite movies whenever we wanted, it was movies that stirred me and helped me release my emotions. I learned to cope through books and movies.

And now, when the water works hit, I am sharing the books all over again with the twins, when I tell them "Oh, the horse died."

Self Talk

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.


By the time our kids reach adulthood, we will have repeated the same 10 things over a million times each. Hang up your coat. Eat your vegetables. Put your dirty dishes in the sink. Bring your laundry to the laundry room. Clean your room. Stop beating your sister/brother. Don't watch so much TV. Be nice. Smile.

Have you seen the YouTube video about the things Moms's say in 24 hours?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
It's set to the William Tell Overture. Hilarious. Very true.

Unfortunately, it's the things you say only once that sink in. Somehow, even in the age of 21st century technology, we don't know how to hotwire our brains to override any bad things people say about us. Or the ugly messages that slip out in the heat of anger. Or the days when we didn't do our best and get belittled instead of encouraged.

I think one of the most powerful things we can teach our children is how to talk to ourselves, how to encourage ourselves, how to shake off bad days. It's not something people really talk about, but self talk really sets the tone for our entire day. We repeat messages in our brains, and eventually, they become hotwired inside us, so that we don't even have to say them outloud anymore.

Self talk messages tend to be bad things, but we can flip them around and make them mini rewards to ourselves. We can teach ourselves to go with the flow this way, instead of getting upset when we can't have what we want right away. Don't holler about the traffic jam, use it as time to list your 10 best friends in elementary school, or think of your top 5 funniest movies of all time. Someone spreading bad rumors about your in school or at work? Think of the most ridiculous work situations you've experienced and get a laugh about it again.

Challenge yourself to make some funny lists and remember funny things today when you had a bad moment. See if if doesn't feel like a hug. Then, share the story with a friend and make them laugh today.

We all need the happy self talk and funny stories. Go spread some today.

Encouragement

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

"Clarence, you have to go down to Earth tonight. There's someone in trouble named George Bailey. Oh, what is the matter, is he sick? No, worse, he's discouraged."--From the movie, It's a Wonderful Life.

It's too easy as a parent to become discouraged when things don't seem to be going our way with our children. Bad behaviors and bad report cards become internalized, as if we were the ones with poor greades or who punched the bully on the bus. The 24-7 rapid fires lives we lead as parents seems never ending in our devotion to our children. We start our days an hour early to drive someone to Pop chorus, give up our lunch hour to get the material for the class project that was due yesterday, and end with running to the book store to purchase another copy of the book they forgot over the long holiday weekend. We clean, organize, and encourage. We read magazine articles on pitfulls to avoid in rasing our children.

We think we have it all together, only to find out they are failing 4 subjects. Or that they treated someone horribly and hung up on their best friend on the phone. Where did we go wrong? What are the neighbors kids doing so well, and we can't even get our kids to pick up their underwear after taking a shower or put their dishes in the sink? What program can we buy to make it all better? Where is our magic pill? Where is Mrs. Brady when we need her?

I have found the best thing you can do when the sky appears to be falling, is to look straight ahead, not up. See what is in front of you, and really pay attention to it. Compliment your child, not matter what. Find something to be happy about and smile.

So Wild Child is failing 4 subjects. He got a 91 in his technology class. A 91. That's a really amazing achievement for him, in a class I made him take instead of study hall. It teaches the whole Microsoft Office program, keyboarding, and basic computer office skills. I am sure he will be able to help me figure how to make a good Power Point presentation when he finishes the year. Or at least, make up excellent graphics for his My Space page. But it's a beginning, and I know I need to start there. Play it up. Be excited.

"Getting the first goal gives them the confidence to win. It's the key to the whole game."--BL, age 11, explaining his philosophy of the Sabres wins to his twin sister.


Sometimes when we listen carefully, we get all the encouragement we need from our own kids. While watching the hockey games this weekend, my youngest son got very excited when the Sabres scored the first goals in each game. He was jumping up and down and screaming, telling his sister they would win for sure. And she wanted to know why. Well, that's easy he said. Scoring the first goal gives them the confidence to win. They starting winning, and everyone is happy with them and congratulates them. This give the confidence to keep on going. Because they are happy, they are on top of the world, and they play well. They have fun. And then they win.

So, I was gratefully reminded to once again compliment my children and make them happy. When they have something to cheer about, they do better in other stuff. That's why I like to give candy bars when they get a hundred on an assignment. It makes them happy all over again, and reinforces the joy of succeeding.

And in their success, I find my success and joy. And that's all the encouragement I need.

Compliment someone today and see how joyful you feel.

Fantasy World

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

The world is but a canvas to the imagination.--Henry David Thoreau

When I was a child, I often played 3 houses down the street with my friend Lizard. We didn't need a lot of toys to use as props in our imagination, since her bedroom was our stage. The tiny 7 x 9 room was the scene for many escapades. She had bunk beds with a ladder, a built-in tall dresser and armoire, an 8 foot long closet. easy access to the kitchen and a first floor window.

We often played house. We would take pillows and blankets and lay them down in the closet for the bedroom. The bottom bunk bed became the kitchen, and the top bed was the living room. The armoire contained her older sister's clothes, so this turned into the clothing store, complete with long mirror for viewing our magnificent finds. The funniest thing we did was around age 10, when big sis was a curvy 16. We put on some of her shorty nightgowns, and blew up balloons which we tied together and wore underneath. We added lots of jewelry and big girl heels! Were we ever hot!

In our make believe kitchen, we cooked our own concoctions. One was "Maple Milk," which was milk with maple syrup stirred in. Yum. The other weird thing was raw peach jello. We liked the taste of the powder and used to dip our fingers in it and eat it. Another was peanut butter with Nestle quik powder stirred in it, with just a little water, and frozen. Kind of a candy bar.

The first floor window had its uses also. We took the ladder from the bunk bed and propped it outside. The bedroom was now a "bank." This became our drive thru teller. For money in the bank, we used playing cards. We carried old purses from Mom and Grandma. And then of course we would go shopping, or play "The Price is Right" where you have to guess the prices to the nearest amount.

Modern day bedrooms often lack this imagination. Most kids have their own TVs and DVDs, stereos, laptops and cell phones. This is to give kids their own "space" and identity. My kids lament their lack of "toys" in their rooms on a daily basis. As teenagers, they of course are in the entitlement phase. We all went thru it, and so are they. I say they are entitled to ask, and I am entitled to laugh hysterically when they do.

Still, I noticed when I was up in the war zones that masquerade as their bedrooms, that imagination is not lacking in my children. The rug is really the "closet" since they leave everything lying all over it. The dressers are really pantries, where they store all the contraband snacks, candy wrappers and pop bottles. Dresser drawers are step stools for the closet shelves. The clothes hamper is used as a garbage can when they can find it. Under the bed is the laundry shoot, complete with easy access kicking zone. Pillow cases are Halloween candy bags. Blankets are living room comforters. Lampshades are basketball hoops for homework detention notices wadded up in a ball.

And curtain rods? Well, those of course are swords, the scene of many duels when Mom is not looking.

Now if we could only figure out what they imagine the lamps are that they break every other week. Basketballs maybe?