Life Balance

Let Go and Let God

2011-02-20T06:01:00.006-05:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.

"Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings."

Years ago I read the Mitford Series by Jan Caron. I loved the cosy books, set in the fictional small town of Mitford, North Carolina with Father Tim. One minute I would be caught up in the story, another I would be wanting to talk one of the characters out of something they were planning to do; other times I would want to have a heart to heart with Father Tim and tell him all my troubles. At one point early on in the series, Father Tim, a sweetaholic, comes down with diabetes. Here we really see him with all his human failings cursing the disease and fighting against it. He's mad, he's sad, he's in denial, he's making bargains to get away from the daily management of a terminal disease, when he has an Epiphany. He goes back to his roots, and remembers to "Give Thanks for all things". He begins to give thanks for everything in his life, even diabetes. He turns his life as always over to God, and understands that we must put our faith in the higher and love everything in our life, to laugh and love it and make it our own, whatever the problem it. We can't understand what may come out of whatever we are going through, but we must let it go, give it to God, and give it love.

As Moms we find this easy to teach our children to do, saying and showing, "its okay honey, no worries." We love, encourage and nurture them in thousands of ways everyday, starting at dawn when we wake them for their day, making them breakfast while simultaneously packing our own lunch, emptying the dishwasher and starting a load of laundry; moving on to make appointments, pay bills or run errands thorough our lunchtime, coming home to cook dinner, finish laundry and run them to the store replace the headphones they cannot live without, all the while we are listening to them, checking them for illness, worrying in an instant about their lives today and for the next 50 years.

We love them with all our hearts and soul from the time of conception, and we create the environments for them to thrive. We give them love, we give them balance by being the CEO of our household and we forgive them for any and all slights that occur. That's what Moms are supposed to do, yet we seldom remember to give this to ourselves. We fret, we worry, we get mad, we get sad and we take on more duties to help them get through stuff. We give it our all constantly, and are reminded repeatedly at work, on TV, in magazine, books & songs to do more, to be more, learn more, to have more. What if that really is the opposite of what we should do?

I woke up, 530 again, ready to journal, to dump out my angry thoughts about a situation I am in. I open the journal to write, and realize I have my previous journal, not the new one. On the page I opened was this thought:

"Give yourself wiggle room,see what it might feel like to not be all or nothing. Let go & let God."-me

I had been asking God for what to do about my problem each night before I went to sleep. I basically felt I needed to learn yet again how to not be myself, to behave contrary to my nature, to be a different person. I was fretting and hating some parts of myself that caused the issue in the first place and felt I needed to change. I needed to give it my all to be this way, so of course read books on it, write about it, make a plan on how to do, give myself daily talks on how to do it, learn to do this, don't give in, and by all means, never let them see you sweat.

What would I tell my children if it was them explaining the problem? I would say be who God meant you to be, and I would probably talk about one of my more memorable job interview questions for a job I obviously was not meant to be at. They asked, "If you were on "Survivor" would you make it to the final four? My brain screamed, give them the speech about giving it your all and succeeding, its what they want to hear and my heart said, Live without a comfy bed and my morning coffee, are you nuts, I'd never be in the final four on "Survivor." I decided to answer with a joke instead, saying that I can cook well and men usually can't, so I'd exchange skills to make it a win-win for everyone, a survivor first.

I believe in the original team building mentality, where we are all in it together. We sing each others praises and do what we do best individually, making us more than we we were to begin with. As a manager and a Mom, I have to see the big picture that maybe if someone is struggling at something, its not in their nature to be that way or they don't have the skills right now to do it. Remember when our kids were little, and they tried to clean their room quickly by making one big pile in their closet? The first time you opened the door, Mt. Everest of clothes & toys toppled over, sometimes breaking fragile things piled in the middle. They would then try to wiggle out of it, try to find a way to fix it by propping it up or shutting the door, which of course never worked, would instead bury them in clothes, making them laugh and scream, "Mom, help!" Or how about when they first when to the store alone & tried to bag groceries? They'd get home, and the bread would be on the bottom of the bag, all squished and flat? They'd look at you with their sad eyes, and try to cover it up saying, "Umm, well, can we make grilled cheese out of it?" You'd laugh and say "its okay, let me get that for you."

Why is it, when confronted with our own issues, we seldom give ourselves this wiggle room, seldom tell ourselves to laugh & ask for help? Maybe we should just remember to bury ourselves in laughter and let God handle it.

Ipad App for Roman Catholic Sins, where's my weekly tracker?

2011-02-10T06:18:00.003-05:00

Change Your Thoughts

2011-01-11T06:46:00.002-05:00

Twas the Week After Christmas & Mom was Snug as Rug With a Mug

2010-12-29T06:28:00.003-05:00

One Woman's Mission to Have Peace with Teenagers

2010-11-12T05:48:00.008-05:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.

The jihad rages on at our house, with no one listening, no one laughing and supposedly, everyone else gets what they want but "XXXX". Fill in the names here for your home, "She always, he always, you always, yada, yada, lots of whining here, but never me." Territories gets staked, angry words get hurled and the daily hiding of remotes & Xbox controllers become the secret battle of the front lines as the war escalates. Life sure was simpler when I could just have them go outside and play in those orange and yellow cars or ride the Big Wheel.

Sure, these battles only last minutes a day now and for the most part life is joyous and fun, but its the lingering effects General Mom worries about. I picked up an old classic at the library book sale a few weeks ago, "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, with the intent to get some fresh approaches for an ongoing turf battle at work that I desired to have come to an end. I believe I read this an part of a UB PR class decades ago, but apparently only retained a smidgen of it. Written in the 1930s (yes, during the depression), Dale harnessed some important principles and noted wonderful lessons learned by some of our countries great leaders; Ben Franklin, Theodore Roosevelt and even Abraham Lincoln. As I read I was astonished to think these great leaders at one point wrestled with some of the same issues I have in life for listening and communicating, in that, I had a strong overwhelming desire to take charge, assert my opinion and tell people when they are wrong, especially when they are, and no one wants to listen. Frankly, it never helps matters to tell someone they are wrong. It just makes them dig in harder and not give up their position and then they hate, or at the very least, stomp up to their room.

What, no mudslinging? No name calling? Where's great magic technique I was looking for here? What do you mean Abraham Lincoln had to learn this?

Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Principle 5: Talk in Terms of the other person interests.

Principle 6: Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. (We all go through life wanting to feel important, to know what we do matters, that our viewpoint is validated, that our daily lives are appreciated).

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with other persons ideas and desires.

Dale Carnegie talked about never telling the other people they are wrong, even if they are. People need to feel important and will always deny they are wrong and then nothing will be gained. Lincoln, Franklin and Roosevelt all actually had to be taught these lessons and changed their lives when they did so. They needed to be educated. If it can work for them, maybe I can use this at home and at work.

I started with the basics: Become genuinely interested in the other people and smile, use their name, inquire about their families and their day. Say hi Jack, hi Bob and take a minute to inquire about their health, their day, their family, their favorite teams. Begin with the basic human connection. I like starting the day at home sharing coffee with the twins and at night asking for a story about everyone's day. Smiling and saying names matters. Don't sweat the small stuff. I began to find my days got easier and smoother.

In the middle of reading this book, I had to stop and go back to a wonderful book a friend gave me to read, "Three Cups of Tea; One Man's Mission to Promote Peace...One School at a Time" by Greg Mortenson (http://www.threecupsoftea.com/). Lynne invited me to hear him speak this past week at UB as part of their lecturer series. I confess I am still slowly absorbing the book and the ideas of one man deciding to build schools for girls in Afghanistan and Pakistan through the Central Asia Institute ( http://www.ikat.org/). Education in the key as I always tell my kids. Learn your whole life, it's important and it never ends. And I give them the example of my learning about computers coming 10 years after I left college and then running a website becoming my main job 30 years later, all skills I learned one stop at a time. Ask questions, inquire, be shown, take those training sessions even when its not part of your job, be aware, grow. It never ends.

Greg Mortenson talks about sharing 3 Cups of Tea in his mission to get permission and support for his ideas to build schools for girls. First cup of tea, you are strangers, Second Cup of tea, you are a friend, Third Cup of tea you are family and they will lay down their life to protect you and help you. The third cup can take years and its a matter of respect and acceptance of you, but also they know you respect them. So to get education to be approved for girls by the building of schools, Greg had to begin by respecting and listening to other cultures, not go in shoving down the American ideas that everyone is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. See, educating girls changes and at the same time respects the Muslim culture because woman are the key in their culture. Boys who are educated leave their villages and do not share their knowledge, woman who are educated share and educate their communities. Woman who can read have better hygiene, which saves millions of lives from disease; have less children; which reduces the world-wide population explosion and woman who are educated will change the world by rising against senseless death and destruction and educating their communities to do the same.

Did you know that in Muslin countries before men go on a jihad, they must get the permission of their mothers? Yes, their mothers. Just think how few might get approved if the woman really understood the choices available instead when they are educated.

I tell my kids repeatedly, the world is ever changing and you must change with it, but in some respects, it remains the same. The basic tenets of family and community reign supreme and to solve many world problems you must start there, you must understand them and be educated by them. During the UB lecture, Greg Mortenson talked about his book becoming mandatory reading in the US military and many great universities of this land, all starting with General Petraeus, Commander of US forces in Afghanistan. And who who educated the General on this great book? His wife, Holly.

Mortenson shared these principles that General Petraeus pulled from the book:

Build Relationships
Listen More(especially from the other person's point of view)
Respect & humility (their communities and families)

Wow, the same issues that Ben Franklin talked about 200 years ago, that Dale Carnegie wrote about in his book, the same things Greg took as the key to get permission to change the world by educating the children in a different way, are the same things our great commanders like General Petraeus, are instructing their troops on today.

I was awed when I noted this in the presentation. Greg also told an interesting story about meeting the Taliban, the same big bad Taliban that is out to kill Americans and who regularly took all their bombs to blow-up the schools where the tiny little girls go to schools, as if they were afraid of them. These same Taliban were open to discussing maybe allowing a school to be built and Greg took them for a tour of another school and the playground. What happened? The Taliban dropped their guns, and ran to play on the slides & swings. They stayed their for 90 minutes and then said he could build a school as long as it had a playground.

Greg showed respect and listened and the Taliban said yes. He didn't condemn them or their culture, or tell them they were wrong; he listened. Maybe it IS just the simple things of caring and giving people the basics of humanity, to listen and show respect. Maybe all we need to do in Afghanistan is build playgrounds so everyone can have fun instead of war.

Any maybe all I need to do is find a big wheel that fits a 6 footer.

Hair Gone Wild

2010-08-31T04:45:00.005-04:00

Presque Isle Peace

2010-08-22T14:37:00.002-04:00

-Robert Fulghum

The air is not the only thing heating up in the summer, its also the hormones, the emotions & the attitudes. While the school new year may only be weeks away, in the minutes and hours of each weekend, it often feels like decades. Getting the heck of dodge can help, but many of the area pursuits get boring for teenagers and frankly, very expensive. So we hopped in the Pirate and hiked it to Erie, Pennsylvania to Presque State Park. (www.dcnr.state.pa.us/stateparks/parks/presqueisle.aspx)

We packed a picnic, made a pit-stop for ice, a drive-by at Timmy Ho's for Ice Caps and coasted a mere 2 hours; and Carmen the Garmin had us in the right place.

Presque Isle is a natural national landmark that sits on Lake Erie and consists of a 3200 acre sandy peninsula, with 11 beaches, numerous bike trails, fishing ponds, bird sanctuaries and hiking areas. They even give you maps for the best scuba diving if you are so inclined. The swimming areas and beaches were the finest I have experienced anywhere, with fine white beaches and silky smooth shore bottoms that were a pleasure to walk on. The roadway around the park is 13 miles long, perfect for a slow cruise, a long bike ride or a brisk jog.

We started our journey by stopping at the Tom Ridge Environmental Center at the beginning of of the park. We picked up our free park maps and received a tip to sign-up for a free, first-come-first-served hour long pontoon boat ride. We hopped back in the truck and started our journey in the park. Coming from the Land-of-the-hungry-tax-monsters-called-New-York, we fully expected a gate and an entrance fee, but there was none. It's free. Yes, you heard me right, its free and amazing. Go figure, there are states that can have recreation for their citizens and not charge them to breathe the air while they do it.

As we drove through the park, looking for the pontoon boat launch, we were amazed at the number of people walking, jogging, bike riding and swimming. We keep seeing these funny yellow scurries that families were biking in. Eventually we found the pontoon boat ride at the boat rental area. We managed to find an open spot for all of us on the 2 p.m. ride so we signed up. We debated renting our own canoe, kayak or paddle boat in addition, but decided to check out one of the beaches until it was time for our cruise.

The beaches were amazing. So many to choose from, many with concession stands in addition to bathrooms. A swim while it was a torrid 95 degrees felt wonderful and very peaceful. Out in the water were dozens of beautiful sailboats moving gracefully in the wind. Even Luke went in the water, despite a teenage sulk that he didn't want to right now. The lull of the water pulled him in and we enjoyed playing in the water and having races. Underwater handstands never seem to get old and sand in the toes feels like a gentle massage.

After our swim, we took the slow pontoon cruise through the backwaters. Our guide pointed out unique plants, birds and turtles basking in the sun. Even Margaret enjoyed it despite a general fear of all things seaworthy. Once we left the boat, we went on a mission to find the bike rental shop and rent one of the 4 person surreys. The twins took turns driving, dear hubby took turns acting as surrey commander & overexcited Dad, and I belted out a rendition of "Surrey with the fringe on top" from Oklahoma & was quickly told to not give up my day job. I guess I'll leave the singing to my talented niece.

We ended the day by grilling our Sahlems hot dogs and Wegmans yummy chicken Italian sausage on one of the many park grilles. Picnic tables are abundant throughout the park and shade or sun are really your only tough decisions. We watched a family volleyball game and chilled out while the charcoal heated. The twins read books and wound down, cooled off from the gentle breeze and occasional sprinkles. We packed up and headed back to Buffalo, with DH driving and the twins and I dozing contentedly.

The park is open year round and would be great for fall picnics and winter cross country skiing. There are many hotels nearby and even one of the countries oldest amusement parks, Waldameer. (http://www.waldameer.com/). This was a great day trip, but it also reminded me that it wouldn't be a bad weekend trip when we need to get away. All in all, it was a nice Sunday family day in peace. It was a keeper, a break from the turmoils of teenage-hood. Too bad we can't just box it up and bring it out when the twins are going at it like they are auditioning for Wrestlemania.

But I can always sing "Surrey with the Fringe On Top" to get them to stop killing each other--they team up so they can find a pillow to throw at me instead.

Summer Dichotomy

2010-07-26T21:01:00.002-04:00

2. Division into mutually exclusive, polar opposites or contradictory family units revolving around separate versions of reality involving issues regarding laundry, cooking, edible food groups, friends, hours of sleep, hygiene, cleanliness, treating parents like mobile ATM"s and the definitions of need vs. want in the non-school mandated time schedules

3. The fine line between calm friend-based parenting and outright dictatorship, reciting penal codes and the definition of the right side of the law in the months proceeding last report card and the annual anticipation of a child living at home for life because they cannot function in "real" society, i.e. hold a job, manage money or live a healthy life.

Ahh, summer time. Hot breezes are blowing, beautiful colors are blooming & time seems never ending-- never ending bickering over who ate all the ice cream, what chore which child was oblivious to carrying out this week and whose turn it is to walk the dog. Tempers flare each morning (the parents), swearing is abundant (the kids) and the house is waist deep in unwashed laundry, food crusted frying pans, wet towels & dirty socks while empty pop cans, tiny juice box straws, Popsicle sticks & freezi-pop wrappers line the backsides of couches, beds and closets.

And it doesn't matter what you do. Get up early, and pick up the mess before work. Leave notes with carefully devised chore lists for them to do while you work. Stay up late with them and get everyone to pick up the clutter together. It just grows. And it ferments. And impregnates itself and doubles overnight. My Mom always had the perfect house, and God help us if we left a wet suit on the carpet in our bedrooms, she would hunt us down to pick it up before we even did it. She was that good.

I can't seem to get that tight a grip. I just try to stop the hemorrhaging of excess to keep some semblance of order. Empty the garbage, change the bag. Load the dishwasher. Throw the towels in the laundry. Run upstairs, get the laundry on the floor up there, run downstairs, stoop down, pick up the lone wash cloth in the middle of the upstairs hall. Smile happily that all looks good, come home at night, put on hip boots, rewind, repeat, do over. Especially the darn wash cloth in the upstairs hall. Pick it up again.

Laundry can reach comical proportions with us, it can be 15 loads deep and funny to even try to dress, find the socks, the underwear, harvest a clean towel or wash cloth. More than once one boy was running through the house screaming at the other to stop wearing his underwear. Too funny. And look, there's no wash cloths again. Do more laundry, repeat, do over. Pick up, there's the loan wash clothes again.

I couldn't figure out the wash cloths, its not like the kids are picking up the laundry off the floor of the upstairs bath & dropping them on their way downstairs to the laundry room; why are they up on the floor all the time? And then Colleen stopped; we're chatting while my hubby changes her oil.In her car (get your mind out of the gutter). And she stop mid-sentence, and talks in her voice reserved for very small children, "Now Molly where are you going with that wash clothe?" And there's the dog, creeping up the stairs real slow like she does when she's stolen chicken wings out of the garbage & doesn't want us to see she's eating out of Molly's take out AGAIN.

She's been eating the darn wash clothes, picking them up and carrying them upstairs. Wow, maybe I can train her to pick up the rest of the stuff. You tube here we come. I can make my millions, and hire a darn maid to get through these summers. But you know what? When they're all gone in a few years, I am sure I will miss the mess.

Well, maybe not.

Chautauqua Inspiration

2010-07-18T07:15:00.003-04:00

Woman Who Do Too Much

2010-07-10T18:13:00.003-04:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.

"After all, it is those who have a deep and real inner life who are best able to deal with the irritating details of outer life."--Evelyn Underhill

Welcome. I haven't blogged in over a year and what a year it was. I had started a new job at that time and was 6 months into a large project of flipping into a new website for a company with 14 car lines and 80,000 products. In May 2009, when I last wrote a blog, I assumed I was 4-5 months away from the flip and would be too busy for a couple of months to blog. I thought it was a minor delay, maybe miss it for a few weeks. And I was already sick at that time, with female issues that gave me larges cysts and a non-stop cycle for 13 months. I ended up having a hysterectomy and going on my second stint of disability in my first year at my new job. Who does that? Somehow, I lived through the project and flipped the website 14 months later.

During that time, my boys each grew several inches, my daughter didn't and my husband was laid off and 6 months later, went back to work at company we thought he was through with 2 years before. We faced another downsizing as our income was 30% less and yet we had the same bills and the same kids growing and needing things. Somehow, we will find even more strength as this recession continues and expands, encompassing new avenues & areas everyday. Prices go up, taxes get larger belies that need constant feeding and all we can do is keep reassessing what we spend money on now and what we will spend money on in future. Welcome to the 21st century.

As a woman of a certain age, I am caught in the drama more than some. Every decision feels like a Buffalo Bills Superbowl in the last quarter, with 2 minutes left and only time for one more hail Mary pass. Nothing seems to impact just me, but takes on the lives of everyone around me, from spouse to kids to parents to friendships. How much to rebuild savings & retirement? How to direct kids activities and choices so they will not only get into college but will succeed and like it? How to help aging parents and support friends with illnesses, disabilities and death of loved ones? How to succeed at work so I have stable income? How to learn things so I will keep working for many years to come, avoiding being pushed aside in my 50's and 60's? How to keep my body healthy and strong and teach my kids to do the same?

I used to think getting my kids to college, being there for my parents, and getting through today was all I needed to do, and the rest would take care of itself. All would happen in good time. Then friends started dying and time seemed to compress. Don't get me wrong, I've seen death before. I lost a close brother at 25. I watched my close high school friend bury her Mom at 20 and her Dad at 21. I've seen the stupid tragedies of drunken drivers and stupid accidents. It all seemed distant.

Until last week when suddenly lost a hairdresser of 20 years. Aurora had taken care of my husband's family for 35 years. I inherited her when I got married. She did all the kids first haircuts. Just before she died of cancer, she did my daughter's first highlights, the ones I swore I would make her wait until 16 for. I'm glad I gave in at 13 and that Aurora got to do them. I talked with Aurora about life like I seldom take the time to do with anyone else, since after all, Aurora had me for 2-3 hours at a shot 8 or 9 times a year. How often do we sit down with our spouses or friends and just talk for hours like that?

I kept thinking about Aurora in the week since her funeral. She just kept popping into my head as I ran through my life. In the last week, I had 5 baseball/softball games, twins birthdays and one birthday party. I had a broken car and a broken dryer and too much work with no time to do it. I ran from item to item. I just keep saying yes to everyone and doing more. Yes, I can live without a dryer for 6 weeks since its only me impacted and we have so many other things to take care. Sure, I handle my car breaking down. I'll get up at 5, drive my husband to work in his truck at 6 and drive everyone around at 5 after my 9 hour day. Sure, I can make it to Walmart at 10 PM for birthday presents. I can make it more games, get a dryer and now go get groceries at 5 pm on a Saturday.

There I am in Wegman's--after driving an hour to get tickets for a concert for my eldest and stopping at 2 stores to do so--getting groceries. My brain is on warp speed. I am thinking of my to-do list and lack of money this week due to a car repair, "Okay, get stuff here, then go to Aldi's, then cook dinner, then wash laundry, then go see a concert, then get up at 6 so I can get to the gym finally, go see my parents, drive to Chautauqua, and oh yes, get back to cook Sunday dinner and do more for the week". This is my weekend. I am at the checkout, admiring the blackberries in the cart in front of me, thinking, I wish I can gone at 8 AM to the farmer's market and got some stuff, I bet the blackberries would be cheap. I am thinking blackberries would be good with my strawberries, bananas and blueberries I picked up.And then I start to put stuff on the checkout belt, my chicken, beef, sausage, lunch meat, sweet potatoes, my leeks.

Leeks? I didn't get leeks.

There's onions too, and lettuce and asparagus. Crap, I picked up someone Else's cart. I have a whole cart of produce that is not mine and I never noticed. I walked the whole store and never looked down. I am sure I also missed the panicky person in produce who was trying to figure out where their cart went.

I joke with the cashier that I am done shopping for the day. He's clueless at 16 and unaware how bad I feel about the mistake but I am also upset about being on auto pilot. "So you just don't want this stuff?" Yes, I don't want it and someone else will. I feel so bad, but under it all, I am thinking, cut it out. Go home, you are so fried you are not even aware of your surroundings. What else are you missing? How did you let this happen?

I stopped turning on my creativity. I stopped drumming up my spirituality, I stopped going to church. I stopped talking to God. I stopped seeing my children and took them places instead. I stopped living for me and thought living for others was enough, was right, was what I what supposed to be doing.

It's not.

Sarah Ban Breathnach wrote some awesome books in the early 90's on Simple Abundance. I thought it was about downsizing when I saw it on New Year's day in a used bookstore. What's its really about is finding you and keeping you, the real you that God intended. Abundance is there for all of us, and its not in the running around to baseball games or Walmart at 10pm or in the 70 hour work week in your downsized Fortune 500 company. Its in the authentic us under all the jobs at work we didn't do or the laundry we never folded, its the one that's funny and creative and a joy to talk with. The one who loves to watch House reruns with her son and drink wine while admiring her friend Lynne's garden. The one who used to blog and doesn't take the time.

She's back and its about time.

Always a kid

2009-05-14T06:22:00.003-04:00

The Ant Farm

2009-05-02T07:53:00.002-04:00

The New Economy

2009-01-22T06:11:00.002-05:00

Dinner for the Week in 60 mins

2009-01-19T06:38:00.002-05:00

Self Care

2009-01-12T04:21:00.002-05:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.

"Your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food, she's craving love."--Marianne Williamson

I did my weekly grocery shopping yesterday and finally tracked down the January issue of "O" magazine (no Mr. Clancy, its not about orgasms, its the Oprah magazine, get over yourself already.) I've not really ever been a reader of her magazine, but I wanted to read about her comments on struggling with her weight. Yes, I could have trekked to the library, but my weekly trip has been rescheduled out of my life for a couple of months now. So, I found her comments on her struggle last year with her 40 found weight gain very informative, and here is one part that hit home for once:

What I've learned this year is that my weight issue isn't about eating less or working out harder, or even about a malfunctioning thyroid., It's about my life being out of balance, with too much work and not enough play, not enough time to calm down. I let the well run dry. Here's another thing this past year has been trying to teach me, Oprah continues, " I don't have a weight problem--I have a self-care problem that manifest itself through weight."

Now I have heard the self-care line many times before, but it really clicked when I read that, or you could say, I finally listened to it after searching out just that article. For the past 40 days or so I wanted to read that and kept thinking about it--why? I say we really do get messages when we are ready to listen, and not just when we need them.

A self-care problem, me? I decided it must be an issue when I closely examined my dear friends Christmas presents to me. Syd's Mom bought me beautiful purple gloves and a scarf--after hearing that I never have gloves because my kids take them, and lose them, and I don't get out to replace them, I just drive around like a bag woman with mismatched gloves. (honestly, this story gets worse). The queen bought me jammies, "Barking All the Way" is on them, in honor of my dog Molly, who never shuts up when we are on the phone. The jammies are because I often can't find cuddly clothes to lounge around in, the sweats are dirty, the 2 pair of jammies are lost in the sea of laundry I haven't finished. And Mrs. GM gave me a glass measuring cup for liquid measure and a wine opener. She watched me try to get the cork off my wine opener so I could open another bottle, using pliers and whatever else, and decided maybe I had an issue with the old one. Again, why buy a new one, only I drink wine, its okay, never mind me, just go on.

Wonderful, thoughtful gifts, everyone of them, and they all scream that I don't love myself enough to buy things to make my life easier. I put myself last, or in the case of the library, not on the list at all. Push your needs aside and never handle them. I can do without, its okay, I'm a Mom right? I even took exercising off the list. I so treasure my one hour alone before they house wakes from their crypts, that I stopped going to the gym. My husband started working overnights and is often asleep at night. In our tiny house, this means one less room to go to for solitude. I suddenly had no place to have quiet and wasn't getting it. The only time I could grab it was at 4 a.m. when I normally awoke to get up and go to the gym at 5. (I know, again with the why at that time--because I don't take time away from the family at night when I workout in the morning.)

And then the food issues. Well, don't cook vegetables and fruits and seafood that you love, cook crap convenience food because everyone else likes that. There is a point when compromise becomes burying yourself a sea of excuses and you need to dig out and begin again. Love yourself enough to schedule your life with YOU in it. Plan some fun, buy what is necessary to make life livable and don't look back. I started with a chick flick on Friday with Hannah, rolled into Saturday by not working, and added in a trip to the book store on Sunday. Go me.

I actually bought socks yesterday at Marshall's. The size 12's I was blessed with, which double as rocket launching pads for NASA, needed new coverings. I needed them for forever, as witnessed by me canvassing around for baseball socks last week when I couldn't find the last good pair I owned. I have to buy men's to have them last, and wasn't even making the trip for the past year. Jeesh. But I found them and some other goodies as well, like designer jeans for $16, yeah me!

And this whole self-care thing isn't just about putting me in the equation, its about health. As I called my good friend last night to check on her Mom's breast cancer, she reminded me, we both need to lose the belly fat. Most major diseases come from that and we aren't young anymore as we think . Time is running out and we need to get the fat off now, not be a super model, but be healthy.

Time to hit the gym....now where are those spinning shorts and sneaks? Do you think they'd let me in With jammies on?

Take care of you, so you can take care of everyone else. Live strong.

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-07T06:40:00.002-05:00

A Twin Christmas

2008-12-24T04:51:00.003-05:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.

One of the my favorite things to do at Christmas is to joke and talk about Christmas past. My children love to connect and share the history of their young lives over and over again. I started a Christmas journal years ago where I write about the holiday, who we visited with, what presents we exchanged, and how their lives are at that point in time. It's fun to do and wonderful to read.

The twins especially love to hear stories of our lives in the house when they were mere toddlers. We live in a tiny Cape Cod style house and only have the living room to keep the twins safe in. Like all parents, we child proofed the room and put away glass objects when they were small. Since Maverick is 3 years older, pretty much the room was kid safe. Or as we learned, kid safe is never twin safe.

We learned early that twins are more like combat troopers than toddlers. I am pretty sure the hospital should have sent us to boot camp to prepare instead of telling us how to change diapers. Look, we changed over 10,000 diapers but we never had twins in a room with a Christmas tree and presents before. I want to write a lecture "10,000 diapers and only one you. Guerrilla Momfare Survival Techniques Your Grandma Never Told You."

First, once the twins started to run marathons at age 9 months, we put the gate up on the living room to keep them in there during times of answering phones, taking pots out of oven and Mom trying to shower, pee and do her hair in under 5 minutes. Storm a gate with 2 bodies and it will come down. Buy another, stronger gate, same thing. Have husband build custom 3 foot gate with 2 inch plywood and slates to hold it in place, and now you have something. In the twins must stay, so what else can we do for fun? Oh, grab at pretty lamp shades and see what's in there that is shiny and burn your hand. Out goes lamps. Stand on brother to climb on end tables. Remove end tables. Run to Mom's bookcase and pull off pretty books, again, and again and again. Mom puts bookcase in bedroom. Hmm, room is kinda bare now, lets' climb on back of couch and touch pretty pictures on walls. Crash, boom, all pictures come down. Remove all objects on walls. Let's beat on TV entertainment center and climb in,. Put TV on floor. Not much left now, let's go in rocker. Rock, rock, right into wall and leave large holes in drywall that makes Daddy nuts. Out goes rocker.

And then we put up the Christmas tree. We were proactive, and took a large piece of leftover paneling and tied down tree stand. This prevented tipping of tree. No ornaments or lights on bottom, only top one foot. And no cover, let just keep taking it off tree stand and rolling in it. No presents, because ripping of paper is fun--Mom only needed to rewrap about 10 times to learn this, dumb mommy. So there we were with our bare room, only couch, love seat, and TV on floor, and a tied down Christmas tree. Still, it never looked lovelier. God decorated the room for me, with my beautiful family and our time together.

As I appr0ached this Christmas with the twins at age 12 and Maverick at 15, I was reminded of that sparse holiday. Money is beyond tight this season, so presents got less. But somehow, everywhere I turned I found exactly what I needed for my budget. Again and again I went to the well, dipped in my greedy hands for a drink, and God filled it up. Shirts were on clearance at Abercrombie for my god daughters. A sweatshirt that was really cool, price $100 was on sale for $35, so I could do the combined birthday-Christmas for my godson. Jeans were half the price I normally pay on sale. Flannel shirts appeared in perfect order at thrift store. Friends sent gift cards and gave me never been worn winter coats for Maggie. I found a great deal for Luke on a coat. The kids gave me small gift lists and seemed happy to get a few things. And then I got a great discount on a gift for my boss to make up for puking in his truck. Seems everyone loves a good story involving vomit and screaming at a new boss to drive faster and pass that granny going 20, who knew?

All around me abundance abounds. I don't have my cookies baked, my gifts wrapped or my house scrubbed. I am pretty sure laundry won't get caught up until 2010 and eggnog better double for Christmas eve dinner, or I am in trouble. I have bags under my eyes from trying to work while recovering from major surgery and somehow put on the Christmas pageant that takes weeks to orchestrate, a year to save up for, 5 minutes to unwrap, and lasts a lifetime.

And I wouldn't have it any other way. Chaos is bliss because it means that God trusts me with so much. I will work to remind us all that Christmas past is about the love and connections. Its the stories we share, like Jesus and Mary's travels and trials on that first Christmas. Ours just get richer with the retelling,

Share your stories this holiday season, just as we do in church and in the bible and in our prayers. Let them out and sing Joy to the World today.

God Bless and Merry Christmas.

Post-operative stress

2008-12-07T09:17:00.003-05:00

The Deer healers

2008-12-06T08:52:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T14:12:00.002-05:00

Trick or Treat

2008-10-31T11:36:00.002-04:00

Beauty

2008-10-14T15:43:00.002-04:00

World Crisis

2008-10-06T07:16:00.002-04:00

Body Plumped

2008-09-22T10:32:00.003-04:00

Smile Day

2008-09-16T14:30:00.003-04:00

Classic Movie Night

2008-08-12T12:55:00.002-04:00

Cooking Kids or is it Kids' Cooking?

2008-08-10T09:30:00.004-04:00

Buffalo Garden Walk

2008-07-27T07:04:00.005-04:00

Throwing out the scale

2008-07-25T08:20:00.002-04:00

10 Steps to Control Stress

2008-07-20T19:01:00.003-04:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.

“Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health, and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.”—Joseph Addison

Cheery, happy, joyful, blissful, peaceful, calm, full of mirth, tipping over with gladness, bursting with glee-a state of positive thinking we try to attain on a regular basis. We pray, we give thanks, and we meditate. We feel good. We feel God. We live in the state of grace, wonderment, and blessing....then we wake up smiling.

And sometimes we don’t smile. We wake up, having not slept all night due to stress, playing the problems over and over in our heads. Accidents happen, bones get broken, illness hits us or a loved one, jobs get lost, our parent’s age and our children misbehave. Sometimes our kids are clueless and we wonder where they got their brain cells, like the other day when Maverick hopped in a friend’s go-cart and drove it 5 miles down the side of a 6 lane highway in rush-hour traffic to pick up a friend. What on earth was he thinking? Of course, no brain functions were involved, only hormones were driving the bus that day.

And sometimes the hormones are so stupid school boards and the police have to get involved. Sometimes the disease takes more that a prescription to heal. Sometimes the job takes many months and countless applications to find. Sometimes the wound leaves a permanent scar we can’t heal, we can’t prevent and we can’t undo. And when it’s our kids, we feel the stress constantly. When we aren’t in control, and can’t just wave a wand to get a new job or do the day over, we suffer too.

I have developed some excellent coping techniques during my extended play time at home. I passed these on to a friend in need today, and I wanted to share with you too. Please send me yours and I will update.

10 Steps to Cope with Stress

1. TRASH TALK Just call a friend and vent, yell, holler, moan, diss the other people, scream about the unfairness, roar that you can’t cope, blast the government, trash your employer, and let it all roll out of you. Just let it all hang out. Don’t expect resolution, but you will find that talking through it will help you cope. Sometime, in tough situations, this is every day.

2. HELP, I’M MELTING Schedule a time each day to allow a melt down. That’s right, let it happen. Plan on it. When you are hyperventilating, pick a time later in the day, and tell yourself, this sucks, but I am not melting down until 2 p.m. when I take my walk.Only the will I scream and cry to myself, it will be just me, and that will be okay. I will flail on the floor if I want. I will simultaneously eat 5 pounds of chocolate and 3 glasses of wine at that time if I need to. However I want to melt, I will, but it will not be until then and it will only last 30 minutes. Plan a start and end time, and let it be.

3. SNAP OUT OF IT When turmoil strikes, one problem we have is seeing our way out of the situation. We get in a cycle of repeating bad thoughts in our head, and can’t get out of it. We tell ourselves again and again, “If Only…” Stop this. Wear a rubber band, and snap it on yourself when you realize you are doing this. Pull yourself back to the moment and break the habit of the endless moaning in your head.

4. FROM HERE TO ETERNITY Remind yourself to live in the moment and not view this as life ending. Whatever it is, you will get through it. Post a note on your computer at work, hang a sign on the fridge, clip one on your vent in the car that reads “This will NOT effect my eternity.” You are a child of God and your soul is much larger then whatever problem you are facing. In a year, you won’t even remember what caused you so much pain today. Believe it.

5. BE A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER Loving yourself, your life and your day is the key to success and peace today. Fighting against the stress does not make it go away. Concentrate instead on thoughts of love. Make lists in your head, share then with friends to give you something else to concentrate on. Funny movies I love, best books I love, seasons I love, meals I love, people I love, best days I loved, etc. Keep the focus positive. Don't fight the stress, love it and let it go.

6. WALK OFF THE WAIT Get the feet moving. A sense of accomplishment in trekking for 30 minutes, in completing a course, in walking fast for 10 house; this walking will really pull you out of a funk. Watch your toes move, see the heel hit, notice your calf bulge as you dig in. Don’t allow yourself to think of anything but the walk. This is a powerful way to pull you back from a habit of worry.

7. COUNT YOUR SHEEP Sleeping gets very difficult when we are stressed. Talking to yourself
about it during the day really gets you in the mindset of being a good sleeper. Pretend this is the Olympics of sleeping tonight and you will be awarded the gold medal. See yourself handing God your worries in a worry basket, and crawling under the covers, and sleeping quietly for 8 hours. Feel the REM sleep take over easily and give you peace. See yourself smiling while you sleep.
Talk to yourself about it, see the worries being pushed aside, and make it happen. This really helps the sleep come quickly.

8. QUIET ON THE SET Set a time aside for quiet. You need it. It will give you much rest.

9.TAKE THE DOWN ESCALATOR Often when we are stressed, our moods with other friends, co-workers or family members get intense. We escalate the discussions into major fights (If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times to pick up your underwear after you shower!!) and before you know, the entire U.S. Army is needed to break up the discussion already. Stop saying “Always and Never” and take it down a notch. Walk away. Let it go. Let them win, and give yourself peace. Winning every fight does not make your stronger.

10. THRIVE NOT SURVIVE See yourself with a positive outcome, whatever it may be. Start with a gratitude journal, and move it up to major dreams. Allow yourself to bloom wherever you are planted, even now…see this manure as the fertilizer of your new life.

Give thanks each nite by remembering, “I am blessed, not stressed.”

Laugh each day. This is the best coping mechanism of all. It's makes us cheerful the whole day.

School's Out

2008-06-23T20:39:00.006-04:00

Muffin Tops

2008-06-21T09:03:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday

2008-06-12T07:20:00.002-04:00

Prayer Garden

2008-06-02T15:06:00.002-04:00

Passion

2008-05-21T09:57:00.003-04:00

Evil Bunny

2008-05-17T20:11:00.004-04:00

The Job Fair

2008-05-15T09:46:00.002-04:00

Mom's Day Extended

2008-05-14T04:24:00.003-04:00

Hope

2008-04-27T06:38:00.003-04:00

"Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul.

And sings the tune without the words

And never stops at all"--Emily Dickinson

A beautiful spring day in Buffalo. Sunny, 81 at 11 A.M. It doesn't get any better then this. Woke up and went to the nearby Home Depot to buy mulch. Can you believe they weren't open yet at 7:45? Come on people, the early bird gets the worm. Open those doors! Buy the mulch and weed killer. And begin. Clean and dig out the weeds and grass. Cut off the dead stuff. Clean out the dead leaves. By noon, I had the front garden cleared out and looking good. Ready for the season. Green buds on the bushes. Hostas popping up. And Aunt Betty's myrtle spreading like wildfire, just mocking me in the sunlight.

I could never get myrtle to grow on my own. We had a huge area around our front maple when we moved in. So pretty. The lovely purple flowers in the spring really warm the heart. But I somehow couldn't keep it going. Bought tons more, and it all died. Everyone said, next time you are at "The Cabin" bring some back. The hunting cabin, 2 hours away near Corning, NY, way up in the hills. There is a large one acre patch of the myrtle there now. Aunt Betty planted it around a family cabin 40 years ago. The cabin and Aunt Betty are long gone, but the myrtle lives on, with no one helping it.

Last year, we brought some baby lilacs back from this cabin area. Planted them, but they didn't survive. The bleeding heart we also took seems to be coming in wonderfully. And in the dirt where we had tried the lilacs, Aunt Betty's myrtle popped up. We didn't even grab any to plant with the lilacs, not a leaf at all. I didn't want the misery of trying to nurture it again. But still it grew. Now we have a 2 x 3 foot patch. It will probably cover the entire garden before I know it. It seems to be telling me not to give up.

The seeds of Aunt Betty's myrtle live on without any encouragement. They just know how to live anywhere. They know exactly what to do, and even when I have given up hope, they have not. The joy of life is still in them.

Many time in the past weeks I have felt like I had no hope. All I can do is get out a little prayer to keep my faith going. And the amazing thing, is I usually always get it in lots of surprising ways. Miss Kodak sends me job tips and invites me to come out to a party. Syd's Mom invites me to tea and plays, and listens to me while I wail and blubber like a two year old. The Queen calls unexpectedly at lunch to see if she can get me to go leave the warm confines of the comforter I am wearing like a robe and go out for happy hour. Miss Virgina calls me and makes me crazy by having 3 job offers while she is still gainfully employed. Mr. Comedy gets me to play checkers, whooping my butt and making me laugh. My dogs throws her ball around the house, saying to me, "Hey if you won't play ball with me, I will just have to play catch with myself." My DH brings me pizza just because I am blue. Maggie's softball coach--gainfully employee and working like a dog in the family business his whole life--tells me to apply for the job I worry is too much work, "just to practice on the interview. My Dad gets people to send me job postings by snail mail. Old school is good too Dad. My brother emails me and meets with another friend who was also laid off from my company. My gym friends tell me I am funny and get me to try spinning class. (I think this was because the pain in my privates would distract me from any other thought for a week. I am still sitting on a pillow.) Old friends email jokes to make me laugh. Maverick doesn't get detention for a whole week! A whole week! And my twins run in from school, all excited and happy that they can wear shorts in April in Buffalo, and ask me, "How was work?"--just as they have every day their whole lives.

Hope is everywhere, even when we don't plant the stalk ourselves, God plants it for us. And keeps planting it again and again, just to make sure we are hearing him.

Road Trip

2008-04-19T20:22:00.002-04:00

Mrs. Goodwrench

2008-04-12T07:19:00.004-04:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.

Day 31 of Free Agency

I pulled myself out of nap mode long enough to try and blog again. It's amazing how time expands when you have no constraints. The same chores that you rush through in 30 minutes in between day job and night job as chauffeur, can take you 3 hours, 3 days, or in some cases, months.

Finishing up the RW Caldwell classes...so what do you want to be when you grow up? Name you three biggest strengths. Tell me your greatest weakness?

Weakness? Chocolate bars dipped in peanut butter at 1 a.m. while watching Conan? Oh, you mean in business. Well, I have no mechanical ability. Zip. Zilch. Impossible. Can't figure one thing out, pretty sure gravity doesn't even exist. Nothing seems to gel inside my brain.

You know the genome project where they are documenting all the genetic codes? I am positive they will find there is a chromosome just for mechanics. And God left mine out. My proof that it's genetic? My brothers, and my twins, both evidence of the genetic predisposition to many things in life.

My eldest brother, Mr. Computer, is a wizard at anything electronic or computer gadgetry. When he was a teenager, he took apart my parents new stereo, just to see how it worked. Then he went out and bought the parts to make his own top notch stereo system. He funded this little project with money he made at school. My brother is a money magnet. From age 6, he knew how to cash in. He used to sell his homemade lunch, his sandwich, his cookies and his chips, and use the money to buy a school lunch and have money left over to save. When he was in high school, he again analyzed the situation and figured out how to profit.

Back in the day, they had lock built into the lockers in the high school. My bro got tired of using a combination for the lock, and wanted a key instead. They school had a master key that worked all locks. My brother bought a blank key, and notched, and filed, and worked it until he made a key that fit the lock. But he did not stop there. No, all his friends wanted keys. He went to the hardware store and ordered a gross of blank keys--144 blanks. He sat in the garage and hand cut and filed all the keys. Sold them for $5 each, at a time when minimum wage was a $1. The school didn't take too kindly, and called my parents to ask him to stop. Can you imagine that today? His butt would be long gone from the school in this age, but all they did was call. Please cease and desist. Funny.

My other brother was a genius with cars. When he was 12, he tore apart his mini bike and built a go-cart. Designed a frame and welded it to fit his 5'6' frame. Made a roll cage for the go-cart and padded it. Put on regular brakes on it. Painted it. He and all his friends tore up and down the fields with that thing. Lots of fun. My brother could look at something and figure out how it worked. Not a lot of training needed, just a natural talent.

And my twins? Luke has a lot of the same talents. He started putting his chain on his bike and his sisters at age 6. We know Mom couldn't get them back on . Once we went to a team baseball party at a private home with a 5 acre man-made pond. All the toys a kid could want there, a trampoline on the water, a diving dock, trout for fishing, a beach, and paddle boats. Now my twins hadn't been on a paddle boat. As soon as we got there, Luke put on the swimming vest and pushed the boat in the water and hops in alone. You see him take a minute, paddle forward, paddle backward, turn right, turn left, figuring it out. He calmly backs up, turns and plays in the boat for 20 minutes. Brings it to shore, backing it in, pulling it on the sand for the next people. Then he hops in the canoe with some other kids, to paddle the lake.

Out comes Maggie, swim vest on, hops in the paddle boat. If her twin can do it, so can she. No fear here like Mom has of new things, but also no natural abilities. She paddles all around the lake, having fun, but ends up in the middle. Going around in circles. No clue how to stop or go another direction or how to get back. Starts screaming, "Mom, Mom, help! help!"

Of course you know I can't help. Luke is on the trampoline by now. Elder son Wild child is swimming. Wild child hops in the other paddle boat, goes to the trampoline to pick up Luke, who hops in the side. Luke doesn't even sit, just crouches ready to jump in the other paddle boat. They pull up along side Maggie, and Luke jumps in, pushing Maggie to the other seat, and steers her back to shore. All at age 8. Amazing.

Mom was on shore watching with amused eyes, trying hard not to cry as I was holding in the laughter. Poor Maggie I thought, she has my stupid mechanical genes. Well, I knew just what to do. Bake cookies. Why cookies? Because I always bake cookies to get what I want fixed. Age old solution, the way to a man's....mechanics is through his stomach.

Come on Maggie, time for that baking lesson. And that entry level mechanics class. It's the 21st century. Women need to do it all. And boys, Luke and Wild Child, come learn how to bake those cookies you love. The way to a good woman's heart is through a gourmet meal, so let's go.

Well rounded strengths. That's what we all need. As for me, well, what kind of cookies do you want?

Things My Mother Never Had to Tell Me

2008-03-25T18:17:00.004-04:00

Day 13 of Free Agency....

Sitting home, rebalancing my life, certainly has its moments. Suddenly you need to review not only your job goals, but everything in your life. It's like a big microscope has pryed open your eyes. Nothing looks the same. Everything needs to be reordered.

It seems the Piggly Wiggly family has taken up residence and I never really noticed. Who else could be leaving the finger prints everywhere, or leaving the dust bunnies behind the doors and under the beds or leaving dirty laundry trails throughout the house? Certainly, its not my angels.

And just what is that smell upstairs? At first, I figured it must be the dirty laundry. So I got them in the habit of kicking it into the laundry room a little more often. Hmm, still stinks. Next, I thought it must be that they haven't been changing the sheets (I noticed the cleans ones all under the beds.) So, I started making Tuesday sheet day. Nope, that's not it. Still stinks like homeless people moved in.

Today, I figured it out. They keep pulling off the top sheets. They've gotten in the habit of sleeping on just one sheet, since the comforters are just so cozy. Great, it's the blankets. They all have body rot.

So at dinner, I started saying a new rule for less piggishness would be....and then I couldn't stop.I had to start explaining some things they had to know about life. Things they needed to understand so people would get along with them when they are older. They have to know these things, and stop being so piggy... I just had to say the things my mother never seemed to have to tell me:

1. Brush your teeth when you get up. Pee, brush your teeth, and then hug me. No one wants to
smell the jungle breath of the night before.

2. Shower every day and wash the hair. Use lots of soap. Use deodorant. Comb the hair. People don't want to smell you or look at dirty hair.

3. Stop leaving your underwear in the bathroom!

4. Aim when you pee. If you miss, clean it up. We don't like looking at random pee on the floor.

5. Put the seat down and flush when you pee. When in doubt, see rule number 4.

6. Put your dirty laundry in the laundry room. It smells.

7. Sheets need to be changed weekly, or maybe twice weekly in the summer. They smell.

8. You need to use the top sheet and sleep between the sheets. Otherwise, the blankets start to smell like body rot. Body rot makes the room reek. Rooms the permeate odors of 3rd world countries make the whole house seem unclean.

9. Dirty dishes reek. Pick them up, rinse them off, and put them in the dishwasher.

10. Stop eating in bed! Stop eating in my bed! Stop leaving food wrappers everywhere, we fired the maid when we had you!

And the twins looked at me in shock and said....

"Mom, stop breaking rule number 3!"

Oops. I guess I've been getting piggy too. Good to be the child once in awhile.

The Food Network

2008-03-17T20:09:00.002-04:00

A New Door

2008-03-16T06:57:00.002-04:00

Chick Flick

2008-03-09T03:29:00.003-04:00

The Clutter Fairy

2008-03-06T20:36:00.002-05:00

It's So Ghetto

2008-02-18T21:48:00.002-05:00

Love

2008-02-14T04:12:00.002-05:00

Show your love today on Valentine's day, not only to your families, but to the strangers and helpers that fill our lives everyday. Make a random act of kindness. Smile. Laugh. Give someone the good parking space. Let them ahead of you at the checkout. Shovel the neighbor's sidewalk. Pay the toll ahead of you. Leave a gift certificate for a co-worker in need. Make the coffee when it's empty. Clean up even though it's not your mess. Scrape the snow off someone's car. Take the time to thank someone who really just simply does a good job.

Put it out there and get it back ten fold. Let God's love grow in you today.

The little bakers

2008-02-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

Apple Soup

2008-02-02T20:20:00.000-05:00

The Yes Man

2008-02-01T04:02:00.000-05:00

Twin Hug

2008-01-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

A Warm Bowl of Love

2008-01-22T19:42:00.000-05:00

Snow Day

2008-01-18T21:44:00.000-05:00

The Smurfs

2008-01-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

BFF....but not today

2008-01-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2008-01-13T13:06:00.000-05:00

Thank you

2008-01-06T08:11:00.000-05:00

New Year's Resolutions

2008-01-05T20:47:00.000-05:00

Christmas Vacation

2007-12-31T09:18:00.000-05:00

Appliance Monsters

2007-12-27T21:27:00.000-05:00

The Christmas List

2007-12-26T21:33:00.000-05:00

Cookie Day

2007-12-23T15:30:00.000-05:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
Elbert Hubbard

My Mom always filled the house with love and cookies at Christmas. Not just a plate of cookies, mind you. But dozens and dozens of 10 different kinds of cookies. Italian Fig Cookies. Mexican Wedding Cakes. Peanut Butter Blossoms. Cutouts. Leuberkiens. Hello Dollies. Rum Balls.

Each recipe was doubled or tripled to make 10 or 12 dozen at least. Baking began after Thanksgiving and was complete by her birthday on December 12. Everyday brought another treat, and we'd get some samples. But most of the cookies went in our cookies closet, which was really the closet by the front door that had no heat. It stored all the cookies perfectly, at around 45 degrees. We'd sneak out a take a handful whenever we could, but especially when my parents napped after dinner. Mom didn't want all the Christmas cookies to be gone before company came, so she'd make a hold over cookies for us:

12 dozen Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cookies.

These cookies were open season and we could eat all we wanted. If she was lucky, we would chow threw them and leave the Christmas cookies alone.

So as a grown-up (okay, not really, I just pretend) I continue on with this tradition. I force myself to cut back to around 6 kinds, at about 10 dozen each. I have to try and just live with what I can crunch out in a weekend.

This year, my friend the Queen asked if we could do a cookie day together. I don't have any sisters, so this was a special treat to me. I always wanted someone to bake with again. I did it a few times with friends in my 20's (B.C.--before children) and it was a blast. So I looked forward to a cookie day at the Palace (the queen's nest).

So, the questions started. Want me to pick up supplies and you just give me some money? Sure. Okay, what kinds will be make?. Well, whatever. What do you mean, whatever? Well, I'm not really a cookie person. I only make one kind. So, whatever you make is fine.

This should have been my clue "I'm not really a cookie person." (<--major foreshadowing).

So I stopped at 2 different stores, and bought 4 bags of stuff. Then I asked if she had a stand-up mixer? No, just a hand mixer. Hand? Forget it. I am not breaking my hand. So I loaded up the 40 pund Kitchenaid. Then I went to look for my cookie tubs. I couldn't find them anywhere. Oh well, let's just go.

Arrived at the Queens'. Brought in the ton of stuff. And started. Mixed the dough for the pastry with nut filling Croatian cookies. This dough needs to set, so I had to make it first. As I started to mix and pour, the Queen is getting antsy. I don't know why. I am putting stuff away as I go. I am washing as I go. I am only in the one area. I know she's and anal retentive neat kitchen freak, so I am trying to guess what I am doing that is driving her up a wall. She's trying to be what too nice and not tell me, but I can tell by the 2 smokes in 15 minutes that I am driving her absolutely nuts.

Finally I asked. What. What do you mean what? What am I doing that bothers you? The dishwasher. What about the dishwasher? I am not using it right now. Well, you are getting flour all over it and all over the counter. Well, of course I am. It's a dough. I have to mix it, and then I have to knead it on the counter. Well, there's flour in the crevices of the dishwasher. Oh, sorry. Move out of the way. I have to put tinfoil over it or you will drive me nuts. Ok.

So the dishwasher got a bib. And the queen spent the day washing up after me. Now, I know I have to wash as I go and I did. But the Queen takes the cleaning while baking to an extreme. I mean, you do have to use things to bake with. And as I put cookies in the oven, and waited for them to come out, she would wash up the bowl and mixing cups I just used. Okay, not a problem. Cookies would come out, and I would use the metal spatula to take one pan off the sheet to cool, while sheet 2 was still in the over for a couple more minutes. I would take the hot cookies off, and move some cool cookies to a container to make room. Then, I would go get the next cookie sheet.

And the spatula would be gone. Missing. No where to be seen.

Did you take the spatula again? Yes. Did you wash the spatula again. Yes, it was gross. But I was still using it. I know, just get a new one out. But I don't want a new one each time, I just want to keep using the same one. But the Queen would keep taking it. And then the oven mits. I would set them on the counter, waiting for the next batch, and she would put them away. And so on, and so on.

Baking with a clean freak is hard. It's just a lot more work to keep getting the stuff out. Again and again. And then she picked on some of my cookies. Well, my family won't like these. Ouch. But we did manage to make her husband's Aunt Marge's cookies. Can't quite get the shape or texture, but they tasted excellent. So the King was pleased. And now he yells when I am on the phone "Come over and bake some cookies. No scratch that. Come over with cookies. No scratch that. Come and LEAVE some cookies. "

It's so nice to be loved.

And for Christmas, please send the Queen some tinfoil for her dishwasher. And some more dish soap. I am pretty sure I used it up when I was there. Or, just to be fun, spill some flour on her floor!

The Atomic Bomb made less noise then the Queen when you get flour on her flour.

But I love her anyway.

Yuletide Joy

2007-12-21T07:24:00.000-05:00

The Water Works

2007-12-08T23:06:00.000-05:00

Self Talk

2007-12-05T04:11:00.000-05:00

Encouragement

2007-11-25T09:18:00.000-05:00

Fantasy World

2007-11-04T06:44:00.000-05:00

Big Foot

2007-10-26T07:14:00.000-04:00

Survival of the Fittest

2007-10-22T07:07:00.000-04:00

Hot Mama

2007-10-18T07:13:00.000-04:00

Say Thank You

2007-10-15T07:11:00.000-04:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

Many days I hear, "This, Too, Shall Pass"--words that my late mother often said to remind me that whatever it is, it won't last. And I often find myself mentally asking, Where's the Thank You Power?--a reminder to look for the blessings in every situation because they are there.
But my personal tagline is "Here to Make a Difference." I have never for a moment believed that life was just a series of days, and then you die. I believe we were meant to experience as much as we have the opportunity to, and to have meaningful connections with the people around us. I think that when we leave this earth, something about it should be better for our having been here.
There are so many ways to make that difference, which is really what Thank You Power is all about. Doing something for someone else makes both of you feel good. The broaden-and-build aspect of feeling good makes you more adventurous and more inclined to try the new things that make life invigorating. The new experiences give you memories that, when recalled, lift you up even more.1 It's an upward spiral that all starts with Thank You Power.---from the book by Deborah Norville, Thank you Power

I started reading this book last week and just had to share some of it. I have always found myself gravitating to my tried and true beliefs during stressful times. Years ago, I read in a Jan Karon "Mitford Series" novel, that we need to give thanks for all things. In the book, Father Tim stops stressing for his being afflicted with diabetes, and gives thanks for this to God. He finally sees that the blessings in his friends and parishioners that help him with his disease, in the foods that he is allowed to savor occasionally and in his need to slow down and take life as it comes, instead of rushing through it like a freight train.

I know in times of stress that it's hard to find the grace, to look for the good, and most of all to try and do something good for someone else. It seems to be the last thing we have time to do, but in reality, this is the thing that sets us free to experience God's love in ourselves, to feel his healing power.

Last Sunday I came home not to a new set of kitchen cabinets, but to an empty kitchen because the new layout was not right for the current space. I had no cabinets, no counter, no dishwasher, and worst of all no sink. I loaded the dishes in my 5 gallon pail and threw them into the utility tub. I couldn't imagine what we were going to do now and was screaming inside, trying hard not to show how distressed I was. I took out my frustration on a bag of pretzels and hot cheese. Yum!
The next day I tried to come up with a plan and called our kitchen designer and got some options on what we might need to change in the cupboard layout if we did indeed measure wrong. I tried to think positively and picture the final, beautiful kitchen I would have, thinking Easter was a good time frame to plan for. Easter 2009. After all, I really like washing dishes in a bucket!

Then I came home, I found out the real problem was the new window we just put in. The bigger window which was moved 5 inches to the right to make room for the bigger sink. Except, it should have gone 5 inches to the left, since the corner most cabinet was smaller. Oops. My husband did not want to do this, since it meant a probable extra week without the kitchen. ()Think 3 extra weeks). He didn't want me to have to go that long without a kitchen. He was desperately trying to make it right. When I realized this, I stopped him and thanked him for working so hard on the kitchen, even when his hands were going numb and he couldn't lift another tool. I said it was okay, and the suggested he just get an opinion from his Dad. Just talk to him about it. And I silently gave thanks that my father-in-law was a home builder for many years.

When Dad saw the problem, he just said, "Move the window." Simple as that. Just a mistake. Fix it and go on. Fix it and forget about it. No big deal really, stuff happens.And he came the next night, and helped move it. I returned home that night at 9, to a 8 foot by 6 foot gaping hole in my kitchen wall. At 9 o'clock at night, when it was going to be 45 overnight, a hole large enough to drive a car through. Augh! Well, I locked myself in the bedroom and proceeded to kill a bag of potato chips. Bad chips! Bad! Take that! I was tired and went to sleep to the whir of the saws. I gave thanks for the help and figured they would stop soon and just board up the space. We would be cold, but we would be on the way to having it fixed. Tomorrow is another day.

I woke up to a nice, shiny new window in the right space. All lined up for the new sink. They worked until midnight. My mother-in-law was calling every hour trying to get her husband to stop and rest from his diabetes. But he hung on, and got it in for us.

Thanks Dad. Thanks husband. Thanks friends who are helping me through this remodel. Thanks for all the kind support and love as I write this blog. Thanks for getting me writing again. And thank you God for my wonderful life.

It Was As Far As They Could Dream

2007-10-14T19:38:00.000-04:00

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.-- Eleanor Roosevelt

We received the Sears "Wish Book" in the mail last week. I remember eagerly paging through the Sears catalog as a child and eagerly composing my wish list for Christmas. The haven't published the book in the last 14 years, so my kids did not have the pleasure of doing the same when they were little. Not all the need is the Best Buy add to compose a list that will take me 5 minutes to purchase and 5 years to pay off.

When they were little, it was great to encourage them in their dreams of the moment; the fire truck and helmet, the police car and badge, the princess crown and pink tutu. Dreams were so simple, but in their choices of toys were the real life elements of careers that might interest them someday. We encourage our children in so many ways to live up to their potential, to gravitate toward their natural interests, to believe in themselves and be what they are meant to be.

Be all you can be. Just do it. Grab the bull by the horns. "Hey, your never know, it's a dollar and a dream."

Many of the way in which we help our children develop is just by helping them to open their mind to new things and new ideas. We try to expand their horizons by showing them the world outside of which they live. To believe they can have anything they want. Dream it, think about it, save pictures of, think about what your life might be like if you did that, and picture yourself there, doing it, owing it, experiencing it.

In the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen," Steve Martin is trying to get his 12 children together at one time to take a family picture for the Christmas cards. The oldest daughter is off with the boyfriend, so Steve says he will photo shop her in the picture. Then of course everyone would like to be photo shopped in, rather that rearranging their schedules to do the real thing. Its kinda funny in the movie, that technology was replacing a "real" family moment.

A friend at work likes to photo shop himself in events at Ball games with co-workers that live in other parts of the world. It's funny in that he is bringing himself together with people he works with, talks with, co-designs reports with, has meetings with, but can't actually be with in today's global workplace. In this instance, he is creating moments that can't happen as reality. But then one day, he took a home vacation, and each workday, sent us a different picture of himself in Paris. He was standing in front of the Eiffel tower and we all laughed. We posted the pictures and other co-workers were jealous of his fabulous dream vacation.

So we asked him one day when he was really going to Paris. He was surprised by this, since his answer automatically came out "never." It set him back, and made him think, when did he stop dreaming? When did his dreams shrink down to the area he lived in?

Neighbors of a family friend lived in a poor section of the city. The houses there are from the turn of the 20th century, working class housing stock on very narrow lots. Very dilapidatedhouses that often share a driveway with the house next door. House values run in the low teens. Often people own cars that are worth more.

So the family friend shared a driveway and had a restored '69 Cuda with a custom paint job in the driveway, with their sons motorcycle parked behind it, and another car and a van behind that. The neighbor backed the van around, but in their hurry, bumped the motorcycle, which tipped over and smashed into the Cuda, scratching the paint. They asked our friend to let them pay cash instead of billing their insurance, so they did. The repair would have been $1800, and the neighbors were shocked. They didn't even have car insurance, and thought it might be like $200 to repair the scratches. They refused to pay, so our friend took them to small claims court.

One of the court TV shows picked up the case and flew them to New York to tape the story. Our friends won the case, and the show paid them the money owed. The neighbor got off scott free, but everyone couldn't believe they were willing to stiff their next door neighbor. Usually, the story would end by maybe something bad happening to them for stiffing, "karma" getting them back, but no.

They win the lottery. They win $800,000. Wow. They can buy a real nice house and get out of the poor section of the city they live in. Everyone expects them to buy land, and move to a real nice suburb, or move to another state, something big. Definitely, everyone thinks a move is in the future. They can do basically anything they have ever dreamed of with that much money. What was in their dreams? How far would they go?

They moved one half mile down the road, just over the city line. The houses are double what their house was worth, maybe $40,000. One half mile. It was as far as they could dream.

I think of that story amazed and dismayed at the same time. How could they want so little? When did they stop expecting more? Are we grown-up when we stop dreaming, or are we just self-limiting?

How do we encourage our children to dream while we keep dreaming ourselves?

Instant Forgiveness

2007-10-04T07:21:00.000-04:00

Life Balance

Let Go and Let God

Ipad App for Roman Catholic Sins, where's my weekly tracker?

Change Your Thoughts

Twas the Week After Christmas & Mom was Snug as Rug With a Mug

One Woman's Mission to Have Peace with Teenagers

Hair Gone Wild

Presque Isle Peace

Summer Dichotomy

summer di·chot·o·my

Chautauqua Inspiration

Woman Who Do Too Much

Always a kid

The Ant Farm

The New Economy

Dinner for the Week in 60 mins

Self Care

New Year's Resolutions

A Twin Christmas

Post-operative stress

The Deer healers

Happy Thanksgiving

Trick or Treat

Beauty

World Crisis

Body Plumped

Smile Day

Classic Movie Night

Cooking Kids or is it Kids' Cooking?

Buffalo Garden Walk

Throwing out the scale

10 Steps to Control Stress

School's Out

Muffin Tops

Happy Birthday

Prayer Garden

Passion

Evil Bunny

The Job Fair

Mom's Day Extended

Hope

Road Trip

Mrs. Goodwrench

Things My Mother Never Had to Tell Me

The Food Network

A New Door

Chick Flick

The Clutter Fairy

It's So Ghetto

Love

The little bakers

Apple Soup

The Yes Man

Twin Hug

A Warm Bowl of Love

Snow Day

The Smurfs

BFF....but not today

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Thank you

New Year's Resolutions

Christmas Vacation

Appliance Monsters

The Christmas List

Cookie Day

Yuletide Joy

The Water Works

Self Talk

Encouragement

Fantasy World

Big Foot

Survival of the Fittest

Hot Mama

Say Thank You

It Was As Far As They Could Dream

Instant Forgiveness