tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63490716646524051422024-03-05T09:06:07.163-05:00Life BalanceKathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.comBlogger96125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-58552238410934416262015-04-23T16:35:00.000-04:002015-04-23T16:53:57.262-04:00Somedays, You Just Can't Get Rid of the Bomb - Top 10 Good Things About Dying<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.</span><br />
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Watching a parent die is one of the hardest thing you can do as an adult child. You wrap yourself up in the "busy-ness" of daily care, household care, financial care; researching the latest symptom, the next scan, the next loss of human dignity your parent must endure. And yet in the end, it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, with you in the Batman suit desperately look for a place to drop it so no one is hurt.<br />
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No one escapes this life alive, you we as a human race spend a lot of time and energy pretending we can delay the final appointment we all must attend - our own death. We read all kinds of books on how to live longer; don't eat red meat, eat no meat, eat ONLY meat; spend thousands of dollars on magic pills to stop the aging processes and resulting wrinkles and even try to cryogenically freeze our bodies for the Frankenstein revival we are sure a 12 year old is now developing an App for. <br />
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But really, in the end, there is GOOD in all things, even dying.<br />
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<strong>1. You get to eat anything you want.</strong> <br />
Okay, the 72 oz steak might go down your esophagus only to come up 10 minutes later, but who really cares? My Dad was diabetic--WAS--the 70 pound cancer weight loss became the miracle cure for his diabetes. Once diagnosed, the shopping list read as follows: Donuts, Cookies, Sponge Candy, Hershey Kisses, Ice Cream, Maple Syrup, Apple Pie and Danish. And more candy. And discounted Valentine's day candy, followed by chocolate Easter eggs sales, followed by Girl Scout cookies.<br />
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<strong>2. You get to drink anything you want.</strong><br />
Yes, the medical world will tell you not to drink because you are on chemo, you're taking radiation, you have pain pills, sleeping pills, pills for diarrhea, pills for nausea, pills to increase appetite, pills for skin rash, pills for anxiety, pills for depression, pills for infections. None of them work well with alcohol. None them are probably good if you have LOTS of sugary drinks, tons of caffeine, milk shakes for breakfast or pop with morning muffin. At this point, who really cares? Have it anyway.<br />
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<strong>3.You can stay in your pajamas & slippers and no one notices when they come to visit.</strong><br />
It's funny how little things like your personal appearance don't matter so much when the end is near. Comfort rules. No too tight tiddy whities, no bras that bind, no shoes that pinch your toes. All of it gone, replaced by fluffy soft pajama bottoms that become your favorite fashion accessory.<br />
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<strong>4. The end of toilet bowl cleaning and floor scrubbing - other people clean your stuff.</strong><br />
Years of vigilant organization and cleaning were vigorously maintained for my Dad by family and friends, and eventually a loving Mom of a neighbor was hired to do it for him. In the beginning, he got to continue being master and commander making to-do lists for the weekly cleaning, but toward the end reality hit home: dirt just really isn't an issue at this point.<br />
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<strong>5. No more worrying about financial matters. Either you have it or you don't; it's all the same.</strong><br />
Yes, there will be a roller coaster of worry about having enough or what to do with what you have, but the end result of trickle-down economics: we all come in with nothing and we leave with nothing. We are all just as rich as the next guy in the end; a leveling of decades of labor trials happens, so forget about money as your currency and think of love as your currency instead.<br />
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<strong>6. Pain is triumphed by love</strong>.<br />
Remember all the days you called in sick to work, or missed parties because you didn't feel up to it? And then you would hear the stories of something great that you missed, making you wish you were healthy? Well now, you call out of life and lay in bed because you're sick, you call out of sick and lay in the bed of life, cherishing everything and not missing a thing. <br />
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<strong>7. It's your special day everyday.</strong><br />
Did you always want to be the Queen, the Big Guy, the Head Dude? Well guess what, now you are. Want to take a trip? Watch all your favorite TV shows for days on end? Demand that everyone listen to you and pay attention for once? Wish that the kids visited more? Now you have it. It's not one day, it's weeks and months, tons more special days that you had in your whole lifetime, so enjoy.<br />
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<strong>8. People visit all the time and make you laugh.</strong><br />
We all would like to have Jimmy Fallon visit us and do a personal comedy routine in our living rooms and guess what? Everyone you know is Jimmy Fallon. All the funny stories that you ever told, all the adventures you shared, and all the funny things going on while you are in your sick bed will be retold to you again and again. And you will lap it up like it's your favorite ice cream flavor in a ten gallon bucket. It's amazing, it's the gift that keeps on giving everyday in small ways.<br />
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<strong>9. The Rules No Longer Apply.</strong><br />
Skinny Dipping Is Mandatory. Go Commando, Get Wild, Drive Like a Maniac; Do it All<strong>.</strong><br />
Your free spirit that you have been holding in your whole life breaks free. You have an amazing sense of "who cares, let them arrest me." Want to go crank the car to 100 or do donuts in the parking lot? Go ahead, make my day. No one will judge or question, in fact they may join in.<br />
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<strong>10. Your heart will grow three sizes bigger with love</strong>.<br />
All the love you shared in your life will come back to you ten-fold, you will remember each and every kiss, soul-mate, baby, best buddy and puppy you held. You will dream it, see it, discuss it and feel it like it was yesterday, because in the thousands of years of humanity, it WAS just yesterday.<br />
You will feel compassion and understanding you never thought possible and make new connections you didn't think existed. New friends, old friends, all helping, all loving you. And in the end, that's all that matters.<br />
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<br />Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-33967849512096594612015-04-17T06:21:00.002-04:002015-04-17T06:21:51.190-04:00Ya Canna Change The Law Of Physics<span style="font-size: x-small;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Mr. Scott, there are always alternatives --- Spock</span></div>
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<em>Daughter's Log, Orchard Park, 041415. We are cautiously entering the final dimension for Dad after receiving a distress text from Alex. Garbled transmissions report the Captain is under attack from an unidentified alien; possibly the Klingons have returned with a new attack to transport brain cancer, diabetes, dementia. Our mission is one of compassionate rescue, and if necessary, confrontation with a hostile force.</em><br />
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My Dad has spent the last 18 months battling small cell lung cancer. He has an the fortitude of 40 men and 10 giants, battling these disease alone, living in the home by himself that he shared for over 50 years with Mom before she succumbed to cancer in 2011. He struggles to get out of the chair now and walk with his cane to the bathroom; dressing takes upwards of 30 minutes, shaving only attempted on the best of days. Yet through this all, he has been the Captain of his ship, setting the course and barking orders in 10 directions in 12 seconds before you can even grab a pen to write them all down.<br />
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Since May of 2013, he has battled a 3 month bout with pneumonia that was the prelude to the lung cancer, coughing wheezing, spiting up blood, 5 months of chemo, hallucinations from brain cancer that led to brain frying radiation, strength sucking body radiation blackening his back and most of his mind; projectile diarrhea, a constantly dripping nose and a 70 pound weight loss, and came back up each time, ready to swing for more. Until recently. <br />
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The text came late Tuesday from Dad's neighbor, helper and trusted companion, Alex that Dad was just not right, his speech is garbled. On my way, packing the bag, tripping, turning round and round in circles trying desperately to hurry, holding back the tears, trying to think logically where there is no logic, what to pack, work clothes, no work clothes? PJs? how long do I plan for? denial, rage, fear hitting me like a bunch to the gut from which I may never recover. It's back.<br />
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So my brother Ron and I begin to chart the course for the end, or is it really the beginning? I am back sleeping in my childhood bed, trying to provide what comfort I can at night, and somehow fit the new job in during the day. Thank God for great neighbors, my husband and my kids, now grown, coming to babysit the Grandpa who not that long along was babysitting them. Listening to him talk, in 2015 one minute, in 1958 the next and in the Dead Zone the one after that. Trying to comprehend hearing him say he's ready to die when they are just beginning to understand what it means to live. <br />
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I admit not knowing how to do this. I am a mother, a planner, a scheduler, a list maker, who thinks from the end and multi-tasks backwards; start dinner, do laundry, wash dishes, collect the garbage and talk on the phone while hair dye sits on the head for 30 minutes. Give me a target date and I'm in, even when it's 3 phone calls to make a doctor appointment, 2 more to cancel your own meetings, 3 more to arrange rides, one email tell your boss you will leave early, one text to your kids, one call your husband at work; only to receive a call one hour later that the appointment was moved to the next day. Refresh, do over, fix it all again in a new day of schedules. <br />
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I tell my kids to look for the good in all things. See the good. Flip the problem to the end and find a blessing. Easy peasy in one-off events; longer struggles and you need to dig deeper for the treasure. I think it's just the simple moments of life, the laughter, the hot meal, the friend phone call. Think of the comedian making the joke of the old man walking with the cane and realize, that now your Dad has the George Burns walk down cold.<br />
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I came home from work to see Dad dressed in a strange combination of multiple shirts and sweaters, looking rather like the guys from Animal House in the supermarket scene, you know the one where they wear 4 shirts bunched up to hold the steaks and food they steal for the party? And as I look closer, I see my white work blouse, a scrunchy knit with puffy rows, sticky out from the layer of sweaters, and I burst out in laughter. My Dad the comedian. Maybe I should buy him a few more colors to go with his PJS.<br />
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<br />Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-39514037535559663532014-11-14T07:54:00.003-05:002014-11-14T07:54:40.842-05:00He's Just Not That Into You<a href="http://www.aceshowbiz.com/still/00001885/he_s_just_not_that_into_you19.html#"><img alt="He's Just Not That Into You" border="0" height="265" src="http://www.aceshowbiz.com/images/still/he_s_just_not_that_into_you19.jpg" title="He's Just Not That Into You" width="400" /></a><br />
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"So trust me when I say that if a guy is treating you like shit he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions." -- Alex, "He's just not that into You."<br />
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I've been on the dating merry-go-round for 7 months now. You all know the one I mean. The one where you can't think of anything else, you find yourself putting their name into random conversations, you can't sleep at night because you are too excited about seeing them tomorrow and wake up everyday realizing you dreamed again of them giving a speech before a crowd of 80,000 at Ralph of how wonderful you are and that they can't live without you.<br />
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And then you have the job interview.<br />
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The days-weeks-months of anticipation of a job interview makes having a colonoscopy look enjoyable, even heart warming. If you haven't been lately, fill your gratitude journal everyday with platitudes of thanks for not putting you out there. I wish often for a better way to sincerely let people get to know my background, experience and skills. The jokes about hover parents going on job interviews with their millennial children seem like a good idea once I get through yet another round.<br />
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<em>He's totally going to call. Maybe his grandma died or maybe he lost my number or is out of town or got hit by a cab....</em><br />
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We wait months for that call. We prepare. We spend time working out not only why we are a good fit for company, what we did in the past that demonstrates exactly why we are a good fit with their culture and how we will perform in the future. This is where it gets interesting, where you see the soft underside of the belly of a company by the details of what they are asking you. <br />
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Tell me you would handle shifting conflicting priorities, a loss of a key team member and a deadline being moved up from one month to one week from today?<br />
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Pretend you are on survivor. Your teammates all hate you, and we cut your resources in half.<br />
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We often have crazy times at XYZ company. Some days we need to come in at 6 and work until midnight. How will you handle your home life when this happens?<br />
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We believe in life balance. We work Saturdays but only half a day, and you can do it from home.<br />
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Ugh. Then there is the interviewers themselves. Taking text message during the meeting. Answering emails. And my personal favorite, calling someone on her team on the phone to question me, and them leaving the room for half the interview to talk on the phone outside the door. I suspect she was really ordering a pizza for her lunch since we meeting at 12.<br />
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If you can't even give me an hour to get to know you, I don't know what to say. You're too good for me. Anyone who ends up with you is SOOOO lucky. And my favorite:<br />
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It's not ME it's YOU.<br />
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Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-36821674417435244802011-02-20T06:01:00.006-05:002011-02-20T07:53:26.917-05:00Let Go and Let God<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-family: times new roman;">"Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings."<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: times new roman;">Years ago I read the Mitford Series by Jan Caron. I loved the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cosy</span> books, set in the fictional small town of Mitford, North Carolina with Father Tim. One minute I would be caught up in the story, another I would be wanting to talk one of the characters out of something they were planning to do; other times I would want to have a heart to heart with Father Tim and tell him all my troubles. At one point early on in the series, Father Tim, a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">sweetaholic</span>, comes down with diabetes. Here we really see him with all his human failings cursing the disease and fighting against it. He's mad, he's sad, he's in denial, he's making bargains to get away from the daily management of a terminal disease, when he has an Epiphany. He goes back to his roots, and remembers to "Give Thanks for all things". He begins to give thanks for everything in his life, even diabetes. He turns his life as always over to God, and understands that we must put our faith in the higher and love everything in our life, to laugh and love it and make it our own, whatever the problem it. We can't understand what may come out of whatever we are going through, but we must let it go, give it to God, and give it love.<br /><br />As Moms we find this easy to teach our children to do, saying and showing, "its okay honey, no worries." We love, encourage and nurture them in thousands of ways everyday, starting at dawn when we wake them for their day, making them breakfast while simultaneously packing our own lunch, emptying the dishwasher and starting a load of laundry; moving on to make appointments, pay bills or run errands thorough our lunchtime, coming home to cook dinner, finish laundry and run them to the store replace the headphones they cannot live without, all the while we are listening to them, checking them for illness, worrying in an instant about their lives today and for the next 50 years.<br /><br />We love them with all our hearts and soul from the time of conception, and we create the environments for them to thrive. We give them love, we give them balance by being the CEO of our household and we forgive them for any and all slights that occur. That's what Moms are supposed to do, yet we seldom remember to give this to ourselves. We fret, we worry, we get mad, we get sad and we take on more duties to help them get through stuff. We give it our all constantly, and are reminded repeatedly at work, on TV, in magazine, books & songs to do more, to be more, learn more, to have more. What if that really is the opposite of what we should do?<br /></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: times new roman;">I woke up, 530 again, ready to journal, to dump out my angry thoughts about a situation I am in. I open the journal to write, and realize I have my previous journal, not the new one. On the page I opened was this thought:<br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:180%;">"Give yourself wiggle room,see what it might feel like to not be all or nothing. Let go & let God."-me</span></span></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family: times new roman;"><br /><br /> I had been asking God for what to do about my problem each night before I went to sleep. I basically felt I needed to learn yet again how to not be myself, to behave contrary to my nature, to be a different person. I was fretting and hating some parts of myself that caused the issue in the first place and felt I needed to change. I needed to give it my all to be this way, so of course read books on it, write about it, make a plan on how to do, give myself daily talks on how to do it, learn to do this, don't give in, and by all means, never let them see you sweat.<br /><br />What would I tell my children if it was them explaining the problem? I would say be who God meant you to be, and I would probably talk about one of my more memorable job interview questions for a job I obviously was not meant to be at. They asked, "If you were on "Survivor" would you make it to the final four? My brain screamed, give them the speech about giving it your all and succeeding, its what they want to hear and my heart said, Live without a comfy bed and my morning coffee, are you nuts, I'd never be in the final four on "Survivor." I decided to answer with a joke instead, saying that I can cook well and men usually can't, so I'd exchange skills to make it a win-win for everyone, a survivor first.<br /><br />I believe in the original team building mentality, where we are all in it together. We sing each others praises and do what we do best individually, making us more than we we were to begin with. As a manager and a Mom, I have to see the big picture that maybe if someone is struggling at something, its not in their nature to be that way or they don't have the skills right now to do it. Remember when our kids were little, and they tried to clean their room quickly by making one big pile in their closet? The first time you opened the door, Mt. Everest of clothes & toys toppled over, sometimes breaking fragile things piled in the middle. They would then try to wiggle out of it, try to find a way to fix it by propping it up or shutting the door, which of course never worked, would instead bury them in clothes, making them laugh and scream, "Mom, help!" Or how about when they first when to the store alone & tried to bag groceries? They'd get home, and the bread would be on the bottom of the bag, all squished and flat? They'd look at you with their sad eyes, and try to cover it up saying, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Umm</span>, well, can we make grilled cheese out of it?" You'd laugh and say "its okay, let me get that for you." <br /><br />Why is it, when confronted with our own issues, we seldom give ourselves this wiggle room, seldom tell ourselves to laugh & ask for help? Maybe we should just remember to bury ourselves in laughter and let God handle it.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /></span></span></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-81757042910594174512011-02-10T06:18:00.003-05:002011-02-10T06:49:12.164-05:00Ipad App for Roman Catholic Sins, where's my weekly tracker?<span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul<br /><br />"<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">To be truly happy & content, you must let go of what it means to be happy or content."--Confucius<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 51);font-size:85%;" >"</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 51);font-size:85%;" >If your kids are happy & smiling, they did something, you just don't know it yet."--Me<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">The big news of today is a new app for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">IPad</span> that keeps track of Roman Catholic sins, to help users keep track of their sins, in hopes that they will go to confession more often. It takes users through a series of question on the ten commandments to help remind users where they may have slacked off. (http://www.1310news.com/news/world/article/181556--new-iphone-ipad-app-helps-roman-catholics-keep-track-of-sins-for-later-confession). <br /><br />I heard this on the radio as I drove back from the gym this morning, and instantly thought the developers should go all the way with the app and make it user friendly like my Weight Watchers tracking tools. It should have not only a daily sin tracker but a weekly progress report. Log your sins daily and chart them weekly to see how you're doing week to week, but really, it should talk back as well, flag you with better choices.<br /><br />When I put in meals or recipes at Weight Watchers, I can play around to get to better, lower point options for a meal or snack. Take a smaller portion or put in low fat dairy instead, and watch the points go down. Add in some fiber and make it a healthy alternative. Why not the same for this? Add in the reconciliation for the daily total. Okay, look, that's five hail Mary's but if I only thought impure thoughts instead of dropping the F bomb twelve times when the kids left dirty dishes all over the house again, then its only 3 hail Mary's.<br /><br />Give you a little "Healthy Choices" button pop when you manage to only take the Lord's Name in vein, instead of gossiping about the slacker co-worker. Get a good job when you see the number of sins go down on your weekly time line. Get a concerned prompt when you forget to log the sins for the day. Add in strong moral fiber and have a smiley face pop-up. Have church bells ring on Sunday when its time for church and you're laying in bed watching the Three Stooges.<br /><br />Think of the possibilities if we had this for our kids, it could just parent for us. "Did you leave your clothes all over the bathroom again", "Did you finish your homework or just put your name on the top of the paper & fill out 4 questions so you get credit" or "What were you really doing at the sleep over " with a drop down menu of choices, and the punishment choices "No video game for a week, no <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Facebook</span> for 2 weeks or go clean the living room".<br /><br />Wait, my living room is clean, what did the kids do that I don't know about?<br /><br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-16598102258609651092011-01-11T06:46:00.002-05:002011-01-11T07:16:13.580-05:00Change Your Thoughts<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Remember, happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have, it depends solely upon what you think."-<span style="font-size:100%;">Dale Carnegie<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-family: courier new;"><span style="font-style: italic;">A new year, a new you. Let's fix our diet, fix our budget, do things differently with the kids, read the latest business book and use it our work or volunteer meetings, go on a relationship weekend to be closer with our spouses, get a personal trainer to help us meet our fitness goals, and so on and so on; change is everywhere. We always start the new year deciding to hate something and get it fixed for once. We change for the day until we have to cook dinner, change for the hour, until we hit the first wall in using the "new" communication styles in a meeting, change for a week until we get sick of the effort it takes to do things differently with the kids.<br /><br />But what if we didn't need a huge plan, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pre</span>-made meals bought through the diet center of the week or an Arnold look alike to make us behave on our exercise routines? What if all we had to do was make our mind to do it? Really commit, really be ready, really mean it this time? There are many books on the subject to get us going, and countless tapes, but what if we just started and ended our days differently?<br /><br />I noticed as my kids grew up that how they started the day really made the difference in the quality of it. I noticed when I learned not to talk about anything life changing in the morning that life was easier with my spouse. I noticed that my employees seemed happier when I eased them into the day. All it took was how we started it.<br /><br />I have been a long proponent of quiet time in the morning, reading inspirational material or writing in my journal. Many days I am rushed and can't get this in, what with driving the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">kidlets</span> to some before school event that requires a stop for a cappuccino on the way (maybe starting the twins on coffee at age 6 wasn't such a good idea) or needing to rush in and get some work done before the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">crazys</span> get in for the day (sorry, was that out loud?). Sometimes, I just can't get my me time (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ok</span>, that is the life of most Moms).<br /><br />I came across a wonderful help for morning inspiration, called <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">JARZBYJULIE</span>.com. Julie is a wonderful, cheerful woman I met at a church craft sale, selling jars with inspirational sayings in them. She has jars with themes for a year (365 sayings) for all occasions, and in different types like Smiles, Faith, Romance or Laughter is the best medicine. I picked up one of these for a gift and one for myself and I love it. It really is instant smiles in a jar. Check out Julies jars yourself.<br /><br />What a great concept that Julie came up with, she is a lovely woman, what a great business she can do from home. Julie herself is disabled, in wheelchair. She called to tell me she'd deliver my gifts to my house, but could I please come out and get them so she didn't have to get her wheelchair out in the snow?<br /><br />And we all think we have it hard to get to work some-days. Smile on your way to work and give thanks when its easy to get out of the car and walk in.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-1250021762484191972010-12-29T06:28:00.003-05:002010-12-29T07:06:06.861-05:00Twas the Week After Christmas & Mom was Snug as Rug With a Mug<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">"<span style="font-family: georgia;">The Human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."</span><span style="font-size:78%;">--Mark Twain<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-family: courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-size:100%;">I braved an old frontier this past Sunday, hopping in Vicky to head to the Galleria to return gifts on the day after Christmas. What in the world was I thinking? I once again do more thing for my teens than I would ever do for myself. I hate returning things, I never return my own stuff, only stuff for my family. I would rather let stuff take up residence on my dresser for 3 months, then spend 6 years in my closet until I can no longer shut the doors, and finally move it to more comfortable lodging in the attic. I like to think these former gifts as my retirement plan, you know the one, where you slowly sell all you own on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Ebay</span> to pay for your Depends and Metamucil and canned dog food you buy at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">CeilingMart</span>, where you work as a greeter, handing out smiley faces as you lean on your walker.<br /><br />Actually, it wasn't too bad, I breezed through 5 stores, one after another and didn't get one hassle from any of the future leaders of our country wearing the lip ring, eyebrow ring, belly ring, liver clip or kidney barrettes that are popular ways for our youth to spend their college loans. The crowds were a bit maddening, as you noticed the Mom's with the bags and lists herding their families through each store, looking hassled and tired while the kids were shopping, shopping, shopping with their Christmas plunder. And nary a Dad was in site. I imagine they were home sleeping off the </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-family: courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-size:100%;">family induced method of dealing with each other, a.k.a., </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold; font-family: verdana;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-family: courier new;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"><span style="font-size:100%;">holiday <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">carb</span> coma that. Seriously, our Moms didn't teach us to bake 140 dozen cookies, melt everything under the Sun with cheese on it, encase all kinds of meat in pastry and make dips with more fat than most third world countries see in a year, no, the real reason we do all this madness is to get some peace the week after the holiday.<br /><br />My favorite Christmas movie is White Christmas with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye. Most people say its the romance of the movie and Bing's singing that sucks them in every year, but not me. No, I actually live for the most honest line in a movie I can remember. Bing Crosby ask Danny Kaye why he should go on date, why bother meeting, a woman when he's clearly too busy to bother with one? And Danny tells him, I want you to get married, and have 9 kids, and if you spend just 5 minutes a day with each kid, and that will give me 45 minutes a day to go get a massage or something. I love it, just love it.<br /><br />That's really why we do all this stuff, starting months before to put on a pageant last 15 minutes. We are all in it to get 45 minutes to ourselves and go get a massage or something. The kids are snug with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Uggs</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Xbox</span> COD in their beds, the spouses are passed out from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">carb</span> induced comas and we get to sit down and go <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">ahhhh</span>, the best AH of the year, even beating out Meg Ryan's Ah in "When Harry Met Sally." We did it. We say, we came, we conquered.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">AHHHHHH</span>. No matter your beliefs or your holidays, its time to sit back and say it with me, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">AHHHHHHH</span>". Amen. May God Bless you with the joy you gave your <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">family</span> this week all year long.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-81648392816614310312010-11-12T05:48:00.008-05:002010-11-15T19:54:55.466-05:00One Woman's Mission to Have Peace with Teenagers<span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can be, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">The jihad rages on at our house, with no one listening, no one laughing and supposedly, everyone else gets what they want but "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">XXXX</span>". Fill in the names here for your home, "She always, he always, you always, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">yada</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">yada</span>, lots of whining here, but never me." Territories gets staked, angry words get hurled and the daily hiding of remotes & <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Xbox</span> controllers become the secret battle of the front lines as the war escalates. Life sure was simpler when I could just have them go outside and play in those orange and yellow cars or ride the Big Wheel.<br /><br />Sure, these battles only last minutes a day now and for the most part life is joyous and fun, but its the lingering effects General Mom worries about. I picked up an old classic at the library book sale a few weeks ago, "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, with the intent to get some fresh approaches for an ongoing turf battle at work that I desired to have come to an end. I believe I read this an part of a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">UB</span> PR class decades ago, but apparently only retained a smidgen of it. Written in the 1930s (yes, during the depression), Dale harnessed some important principles and noted wonderful lessons learned by some of our countries great leaders; Ben Franklin, Theodore Roosevelt and even Abraham Lincoln. As I read I was astonished to think these great leaders at one point wrestled with some of the same issues I have in life for listening and communicating, in that, I had a strong overwhelming desire to take charge, assert my opinion and tell people when they are wrong, especially when they are, and no one wants to listen. Frankly, it never helps matters to tell someone they are wrong. It just makes them dig in harder and not give up their position and then they hate, or at the very least, stomp up to their room.<br /><br />What, no mudslinging? No name calling? Where's great magic technique I was looking for here? What do you mean Abraham Lincoln had to learn this?<br /><br />Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.<br /><br />Principle 5: Talk in Terms of the other person interests.<br /><br />Principle 6: Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely. (We all go through life wanting to feel important, to know what we do matters, that our viewpoint is validated, that our daily lives are appreciated).<br /><br />Principle 9: Be sympathetic with other persons ideas and desires.<br /><br />Dale Carnegie talked about never telling the other people they are wrong, even if they are. People need to feel important and will always deny they are wrong and then nothing will be gained. Lincoln, Franklin and Roosevelt all actually had to be taught these lessons and changed their lives when they did so. They needed to be educated. If it can work for them, maybe I can use this at home and at work.<br /><br />I started with the basics: Become genuinely interested in the other people and smile, use their name, inquire about their families and their day. Say hi Jack, hi Bob and take a minute to inquire about their health, their day, their family, their favorite teams. Begin with the basic human connection. I like starting the day at home sharing coffee with the twins and at night asking for a story about <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">everyone's</span> day. Smiling and saying names matters. Don't sweat the small stuff. I began to find my days got easier and smoother.<br /><br />In the middle of reading this book, I had to stop and go back to a wonderful book a friend gave me to read, "Three Cups of Tea; One Man's Mission to Promote Peace...One School at a Time" by Greg <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Mortenson</span> (http://www.threecupsoftea.com/). Lynne invited me to hear him speak this past week at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">UB</span> as part of their lecturer series. I confess I am still slowly absorbing the book and the ideas of one man deciding to build schools for girls in Afghanistan and Pakistan through the Central Asia Institute ( http://www.ikat.org/). Education in the key as I always tell my kids. Learn your whole life, it's important and it never ends. And I give them the example of my learning about computers coming 10 years after I left college and then running a website becoming my main job 30 years later, all skills I learned one stop at a time. Ask questions, inquire, be shown, take those training sessions even when its not part of your job, be aware, grow. It never ends.<br /><br />Greg <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Mortenson</span> talks about sharing 3 Cups of Tea in his mission to get permission and support for his ideas to build schools for girls. First cup of tea, you are strangers, Second Cup of tea, you are a friend, Third Cup of tea you are family and they will lay down their life to protect you and help you. The third cup can take years and its a matter of respect and acceptance of you, but also they know you respect them. So to get education to be approved for girls by the building of schools, Greg had to begin by respecting and listening to other cultures, not go in shoving down the American ideas that everyone is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. See, educating girls changes and at the same time respects the Muslim culture because woman are the key in their culture. Boys who are educated leave their villages and do not share their knowledge, woman who are educated share and educate their communities. Woman who can read have better hygiene, which saves millions of lives from disease; have less children; which reduces the world-wide population explosion and woman who are educated will change the world by rising against senseless death and destruction and educating their communities to do the same.<br /><br />Did you know that in Muslin countries before men go on a jihad, they must get the permission of their mothers? Yes, their mothers. Just think how few might get approved if the woman really understood the choices available instead when they are educated.<br /><br />I tell my kids repeatedly, the world is ever changing and you must change with it, but in some respects, it remains the same. The basic tenets of family and community reign supreme and to solve many world problems you must start there, you must understand them and be educated by them. During the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">UB</span> lecture, Greg <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Mortenson</span> talked about his book becoming mandatory reading in the US military and many great universities of this land, all starting with General <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Petraeus</span>, Commander of US forces in Afghanistan. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style=";font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">And who who educated the General on this great book? His wife, Holly. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style=";font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Mortenson</span> shared these principles that General <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Petraeus</span> pulled from the book:<br /><br />Build Relationships<br />Listen More(especially from the other person's point of view)<br />Respect & humility (their communities and families)<br /><br />Wow, the same issues that Ben Franklin talked about 200 years ago, that Dale Carnegie wrote about in his book, the same things Greg took as the key to get permission to change the world by educating the children in a different way, are the same things our great commanders like General <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">Petraeus</span>, are instructing their troops on today.<br /><br />I was awed when I noted this in the presentation. Greg also told an interesting story about meeting the Taliban, the same big bad Taliban that is out to kill Americans and who regularly took all their bombs to blow-up the schools where the tiny little girls go to schools, as if they were afraid of them. These same Taliban were open to discussing maybe allowing a school to be built and Greg took them for a tour of another school and the playground. What happened? The Taliban dropped their guns, and ran to play on the slides & swings. They stayed their for 90 minutes and then said he could build a school as long as it had a playground.<br /><br />Greg showed respect and listened and the Taliban said yes. He didn't condemn them or their culture, or tell them they were wrong; he listened. Maybe it IS just the simple things of caring and giving people the basics of humanity, to listen and show respect.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style=";font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Maybe all we need to do in </span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style=";font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Afghanistan is build playgrounds so everyone can have fun instead of war</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">.</span><br /></span><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" ><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style=";font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;" ><br />Any maybe all I need to do is find a big wheel that fits a 6 footer.<br /><br /><br /><br /></span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-70883382164380659672010-08-31T04:45:00.005-04:002010-08-31T06:22:42.805-04:00Hair Gone Wild<span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" >Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" ><span style="font-size:130%;">"But we kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger."<br />-- <span style="font-size:85%;">Kesha in Tik Tok<br /><br />"Mom, who's Mick Jagger?"<br /></span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;" ><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Vicky was loaded to the gills, packed with enough provisions and bedding to see us on a stagecoach trip out west for 2 weeks; I'm sure we wouldn't need much more than a fill-up in the 12 hour drive to Richmond. Coffee was in the thermos for Mom's 4 AM transfusion, suitcases & coolers were loaded in a trunk larger enough to hold a Pinto, but somehow barely fit when we added in Patricia's 3 suitcases (3? Who are you, Paris Hilton?) & cookies for the road-trip set on the front seat under Carmen, the Garmin. At 14 the twins have taken to naming everything we owned and the GPS was no exception.<br /><br />And so the road-trip to Dinwiddie began. I awoke at 4 AM, brushed my teeth, woke the twins & my extra road-trip daughter, Patricia, kissed the dog, petted the husband & got in the car. Map? Check. Charlene's directions? Check. IPODs? Check. Okay, let's give Carmen Sheila's address. Carmen? Carmen? She's gone. Stolen out of the car. Oh well, here we go old school down to Virginia. Drive, drive, drive, miss a turn while I yawn outside Salamanca and reroute myself on the 219 down through PA. The IPOD gave out but Patricia's text date to Chad continued for 12 long hours, a few phone calls & numerous hangups. We switched to local radio during the construction season in PA and belted out "Satisfaction, I Can't Get No..." "Who's this Mom?" The Rolling Stones, you know, Mick Jagger? Really, turn it up. We belted the oldies from the 60's and 70's for the next hour, with Mom educating them on the groups. Next came technopop and then 80s revival with Mom telling them how she used to dance to MJ when he was just Michael Jackson. You? No, really I did. I had a life before you. And I had the hair to match, long permed, teased big hair you lose a toddler in.<br /><br />Vacation isn't just for relaxing anymore. It's for connecting and lectures with Dr. Mom. Dear Hubby had to work so its just me, the twins & Patricia, cruising down the highway. The car symposiums on boys, romance, money, education and jobs. Choices, its all about choices made in a split second sometimes, but you make your head up long before if you're smart. Be smart. Focus, have a plan. Get your hair on straight. And so it goes on the last trip before high school.<br /><br />Last night we got the hair cuts for high school, arguing all the way about length, color, high lights and style. Always style. Which one for Maggie, lack of it for Luke, which color of the week for Patricia, who is riding along with us just for the heck of it. The thing is, you'll start the high school with one style denoting who you are, but its all the choices you make in those 4 years that dictate the style you have when you leave; scholar, athlete, inventor, famous author or teen Mom, future cancer victim, future alcoholic, druggie or loser. It's all about those choices, some of which are made slowly, like choosing not to do homework daily, or some made in a split second when you choose to have sex without protection or hang out with new friends who get high everyday, even though you don't want to do that. Now. Make those choices now. Believe what we say about what they mean because we have already chosen that hairstyle before.<br /><br />I think about that hair as I sit waiting to pay for the cuts. I think about the styles I have worn and will wear in the future as I someday become mother-in-law, grandma, great aunt, retired neighbor and maybe widow. I have friends already wearing the hairstyle of widow and widower in their 40s and 50s. I still have both my parents and get to be the kid sometimes, so its hard to contemplate that kind of hairstyle change, but it happens. But being ready to wear that hairstyle comes from all the other choices you made along the way.<br /><br />Sometimes you choose to think of the style of your dreams and sometimes the style finds you from what you chose not to think about. Figure out which it will be.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-87246963629109817962010-08-22T14:37:00.002-04:002010-08-22T16:27:19.805-04:00Presque Isle Peace<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /></span></span><span class="sqq">“<span style="font-size:180%;"><a class="sqq" href="http://thinkexist.com/quotation/peace_is_not_something_you_wish_for-it-s/263062.html">Peace is not something you wish fo<span style="font-style: italic;">r,</span> It's something you make, Something you do, Something you are, And something you give away.</a>”</span></span><p style="padding-top: 3px;">-Robert Fulghum</p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">The air is not the only thing heating up in the summer, its also the hormones, the emotions & the attitudes. While the school new year may only be weeks away, in the minutes and hours of each weekend, it often feels like decades. Getting the heck of dodge can help, but many of the area pursuits get boring for teenagers and frankly, very expensive. So we hopped in the Pirate and hiked it to Erie, Pennsylvania to Presque State Park. <span style="visibility: visible;" id="main"><span style="visibility: visible;" id="search"><span class="f"><cite>(www.dcnr.<b>state</b>.pa.us/<b>statepark</b>s/<b>park</b>s/<b>presqueisle</b>.aspx)</cite></span></span></span></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">We packed a picnic, made a pit-stop for ice, a drive-by at Timmy Ho's for Ice Caps and coasted a mere 2 hours; and Carmen the Garmin had us in the right place.<br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">Presque Isle is a natural national landmark that sits on Lake Erie and consists of a 3200 acre sandy peninsula, with 11 beaches, numerous bike trails, fishing ponds, bird sanctuaries and hiking areas. They even give you maps for the best scuba diving if you are so inclined. The swimming areas and beaches were the finest I have experienced anywhere, with fine white beaches and silky smooth shore bottoms that were a pleasure to walk on. The roadway around the park is 13 miles long, perfect for a slow cruise, a long bike ride or a brisk jog.<br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">We started our journey by stopping at the Tom Ridge Environmental Center at the beginning of of the park. We picked up our free park maps and received a tip to sign-up for a free, first-come-first-served hour long pontoon boat ride. We hopped back in the truck and started our journey in the park. Coming from the Land-of-the-hungry-tax-monsters-called-New-York, we fully expected a gate and an entrance fee, but there was none. It's free. Yes, you heard me right, its free and amazing. Go figure, there are states that can have recreation for their citizens and not charge them to breathe the air while they do it.<br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">As we drove through the park, looking for the pontoon boat launch, we were amazed at the number of people walking, jogging, bike riding and swimming. We keep seeing these funny yellow scurries that families were biking in. Eventually we found the pontoon boat ride at the boat rental area. We managed to find an open spot for all of us on the 2 p.m. ride so we signed up. We debated renting our own canoe, kayak or paddle boat in addition, but decided to check out one of the beaches until it was time for our cruise.</p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">The beaches were amazing. So many to choose from, many with concession stands in addition to bathrooms. A swim while it was a torrid 95 degrees felt wonderful and very peaceful. Out in the water were dozens of beautiful sailboats moving gracefully in the wind. Even Luke went in the water, despite a teenage sulk that he didn't want to right now. The lull of the water pulled him in and we enjoyed playing in the water and having races. Underwater handstands never seem to get old and sand in the toes feels like a gentle massage.<br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">After our swim, we took the slow pontoon cruise through the backwaters. Our guide pointed out unique plants, birds and turtles basking in the sun. Even Margaret enjoyed it despite a general fear of all things seaworthy. Once we left the boat, we went on a mission to find the bike rental shop and rent one of the 4 person surreys. The twins took turns driving, dear hubby took turns acting as surrey commander & overexcited Dad, and I belted out a rendition of "Surrey with the fringe on top" from Oklahoma & was quickly told to not give up my day job. I guess I'll leave the singing to my talented niece.</p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">We ended the day by grilling our Sahlems hot dogs and Wegmans yummy chicken Italian sausage on one of the many park grilles. Picnic tables are abundant throughout the park and shade or sun are really your only tough decisions. We watched a family volleyball game and chilled out while the charcoal heated. The twins read books and wound down, cooled off from the gentle breeze and occasional sprinkles. We packed up and headed back to Buffalo, with DH driving and the twins and I dozing contentedly. </p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">The park is open year round and would be great for fall picnics and winter cross country skiing. There are many hotels nearby and even one of the countries oldest amusement parks, Waldameer. (http://www.waldameer.com/). This was a great day trip, but it also reminded me that it wouldn't be a bad weekend trip when we need to get away. All in all, it was a nice Sunday family day in peace. It was a keeper, a break from the turmoils of teenage-hood. Too bad we can't just box it up and bring it out when the twins are going at it like they are auditioning for Wrestlemania.<br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;">But I can always sing "Surrey with the Fringe On Top" to get them to stop killing each other--they team up so they can find a pillow to throw at me instead.<br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;"><br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;"><br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;"><br /></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;"><a class="sqa" href="http://thinkexist.com/quotes/robert_fulghum/"><br /></a></p><p style="padding-top: 3px;"><a class="sqa" href="http://thinkexist.com/quotes/robert_fulghum/"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span><br /></a></p>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-58315163413041011602010-07-26T21:01:00.002-04:002010-07-26T21:45:59.368-04:00Summer Dichotomy<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /></span></span><div class="header"> <h2 class="me">summer <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">di</span>·<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">chot</span>·o·my</h2>1. Division between parental unit and offspring in the months of June, July & August in the USA.<br /><br /></div><div class="body"><div class="pbk"><span class="secondary-bf"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);"></span> </span></span> <div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);">2. Division into mutually exclusive, polar opposites or contradictory family units revolving around separate versions of reality involving issues regarding laundry, cooking, edible food groups, friends, hours of sleep, hygiene, cleanliness, treating parents like mobile ATM"s and the definitions of need vs. want in the non-school mandated time schedules<br /><br /></span> </span></span></div> <div class="luna-Ent"><span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseout="this.style.backgroundColor='transparent'" onclick="this.style.backgroundColor='#b5d5ff';return hotWord(this);">3. The fine line between calm friend-based parenting and outright dictatorship, reciting penal codes and the definition of the right side of the law in the months proceeding last report card and the annual anticipation of a child living at home for life because they cannot function in "real" society, i.e. hold a job, manage money or live a healthy life.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Ahh</span>, summer time. Hot breezes are blowing, beautiful colors are blooming & time seems never ending-- never ending bickering over who ate all the ice cream, what chore which child was oblivious to carrying out this week and whose turn it is to walk the dog. Tempers flare each morning (the parents), swearing is abundant (the kids) and the house is waist deep in unwashed laundry, food crusted frying pans, wet towels & dirty socks while empty pop cans, tiny juice box straws, Popsicle sticks & <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">freezi</span>-pop wrappers line the backsides of couches, beds and closets.<br /><br />And it doesn't matter what you do. Get up early, and pick up the mess before work. Leave notes with carefully devised chore lists for them to do while you work. Stay up late with them and get everyone to pick up the clutter together. It just grows. And it ferments. And impregnates itself and doubles overnight. My Mom always had the perfect house, and God help us if we left a wet suit on the carpet in our bedrooms, she would hunt us down to pick it up <span style="font-style: italic;">before</span> we even did it. She was that good.<br /><br />I can't seem to get that tight a grip. I just try to stop the hemorrhaging of excess to keep some semblance of order. Empty the garbage, change the bag. Load the dishwasher. Throw the towels in the laundry. Run upstairs, get the laundry on the floor up there, run downstairs, stoop down, pick up the lone wash cloth in the middle of the upstairs hall. Smile happily that all looks good, come home at night, put on hip boots, rewind, repeat, do over. Especially the darn wash cloth in the upstairs hall. Pick it up again.<br /><br />Laundry can reach comical proportions with us, it can be 15 loads deep and funny to even try to dress, find the socks, the underwear, harvest a clean towel or wash cloth. More than once one boy was running through the house screaming at the other to stop wearing his underwear. Too funny. And look, there's no wash cloths again. Do more laundry, repeat, do over. Pick up, there's the loan wash clothes again.<br /><br />I couldn't figure out the wash cloths, its not like the kids are picking up the laundry off the floor of the upstairs bath & dropping them on their way downstairs to the laundry room; why are they up on the floor all the time? And then Colleen stopped; we're chatting while my hubby changes her oil.In her car (get your mind out of the gutter). And she stop mid-sentence, and talks in her voice reserved for very small children, "Now Molly where are you going with that wash clothe?" And there's the dog, creeping up the stairs real slow like she does when she's stolen chicken wings out of the garbage & doesn't want us to see she's eating out of Molly's take out AGAIN.<br /><br />She's been eating the darn wash clothes, picking them up and carrying them upstairs. Wow, maybe I can train her to pick up the rest of the stuff. You tube here we come. I can make my millions, and hire a darn maid to get through these summers. But you know what? When they're all gone in a few years, I am sure I will miss the mess.<br /><br />Well, maybe not.<br /></span></span></span></div></div> </div>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-61306287125038123412010-07-18T07:15:00.003-04:002010-07-18T08:32:54.363-04:00Chautauqua Inspiration<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.<br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, san-serif, Tahoma;color:#000000;"><b>Chautauqua: </b>a meeting, usually held in the summer outdoors or under a temporary tent, providing public lectures combined with entertainment such as concerts and plays. </span><br /><br />Margaret and I hopped in the car for a lovely road-trip to Chautauqua Institution last Sunday. I often struggle to take day trips for myself, feeling selfish to not want to go wander through a car show and swap meets. Its okay to make your own way and have your own time, and maybe even necessary for self preservation, but as woman, we seldom allow this. I ponder this fact--men having no issue doing sports or guy stuff on a weekend while woman attack to do lists-- as we get off the thruway and head for the back roads. We meandered slowly up Route 20, rolling through small towns and villages at a leisurely pace. For a Mom who lives at warp speed whenever she is in the car, driving constantly at a frantic pace to pack in yet one more stop before we are done for the day, this was not easy. It took some time to wind down & enjoy the pretty drive at 35 mph, me watching the scenery with classical music on the radio & Margaret reading a book with her Ipod drumming in her head.<br /><br />When we hit Rte 394 in Westfield, I always marvel at the statue of Grace Bedell & Abraham Lincoln thinking, "if she hadn't suggested that Honest Abe grow a beard to help win the presidency, would he have won? Where would our country be today if he wasn't there to see us through the Civil War & the end of slavery?" The statue reminds me that everyone has a voice that can change the world if we just let it be heard. Even great presidents should listen to the common man--do they today? Already as I drive, my brain is drifting away from the everyday and onto the complex universe we live in and the choices we make.<br /><br />I am excited to visit Chautauqua and its verdant landscaping. The Victorian homes are beautiful in and of themselves but the gardens are second to none. Acres and acres of beautiful flowers, bushes and century old trees make this a treasure chest for the eyes. Porches and really open air living rooms complete with tables, wicker love-seats, rugs, floral arrangement and at least one had a fireplace built into the home! Generations of well-to do families own homes in Chautauqua but many house rentals, hotel and apartment opportunities exist. <br /><br />Chautauqua is free to the public on Sundays and parking is included if you get there before 1pm, a value that would normally cost you $22. Don't be put off by the large lot spanning thousands of cars, there are many trams that scour the parking lot and take you up to the main gate. Once there, we got in line to get our tour tickets for the afternoon, a huge value for $4. The one hour ride in an air conditioned mini bus is well worth the cost. If you prefer totally free, then hop on the trams that go north & south all over Chautauqua for a spectacular view. Walk the cozy streets, enjoy the 5000 + plus pipes of the Massey organ in the outdoor amphitheatre and lunch at the 1881 Athenaeum Hotel or picnic on 1 of the 4 cozy beaches while listening to the bells in the Miller Bell Tower.<br /><br />What is Chautauqua? Quite simply a place for self-improvement and renewal. Founded in 1874 by Rev. John Vincent and businessman Lewis Miller, Chautauqua today to offer lectures, discussions, forums & concerts during its 9 weeks season. It has its own orchestra, theatre, concert halls, & ballet troop and even offers Operas in English. Students of all ages can take classes or attend performances. Places of worship and art studios join lectures in government and morality. Thomas Edison, Eleanor Roosevelt, Ulysses S. Grant, George Gershwin, and William Jennings Bryant are among the many visitors. Teddy Roosevelt celebrated his presidential inauguration here while Bill Clinton practiced for his presidential debates in the off season.<br /><br />I view Chautauqua as a return to a simpler time, when picnics on Sundays and chatting on porches with your neighbors was the norm. I marvel at lush vibrant, bug free atmosphere and feel inspiration in the air as I walk the grounds of some of the most brilliant minds of our time. While this was a beautiful summer treat, I anticipate a glorious view of the trees in their October splendor. Slowing down for the day and feeling grounded in history restored my balance. Try it for yourself.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-90490821036419296602010-07-10T18:13:00.003-04:002010-07-10T19:45:39.390-04:00Woman Who Do Too Much<span style="font-size: 78%;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">"After all, it is those who have a deep and real inner life who are best able to deal with the irritating details of outer life."-</span>-Evelyn <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Underhill</span><br /><br />Welcome. I haven't blogged in over a year and what a year it was. I had started a new job at that time and was 6 months into a large project of flipping into a new website for a company with 14 car lines and 80,000 products. In May 2009, when I last wrote a blog, I assumed I was 4-5 months away from the flip and would be too busy for a couple of months to blog. I thought it was a minor delay, maybe miss it for a few weeks. And I was already sick at that time, with female issues that gave me larges cysts and a non-stop cycle for 13 months. I ended up having a hysterectomy and going on my second stint of disability in my first year at my new job. Who does that? Somehow, I lived through the project and flipped the website 14 months later.<br /><br />During that time, my boys each grew several inches, my daughter didn't and my husband was laid off and 6 months later, went back to work at company we thought he was through with 2 years before. We faced another downsizing as our income was 30% less and yet we had the same bills and the same kids growing and needing things. Somehow, we will find even more strength as this recession continues and expands, encompassing new avenues & areas everyday. Prices go up, taxes get larger belies that need constant feeding and all we can do is keep reassessing what we spend money on now and what we will spend money on in future. Welcome to the 21st century.<br /><br />As a woman of a certain age, I am caught in the drama more than some. Every decision feels like a Buffalo Bills Superbowl in the last quarter, with 2 minutes left and only time for one more hail Mary pass. Nothing seems to impact just me, but takes on the lives of everyone around me, from spouse to kids to parents to friendships. How much to rebuild savings & retirement? How to direct kids activities and choices so they will not only get into college but will succeed and like it? How to help aging parents and support friends with illnesses, disabilities and death of loved ones? How to succeed at work so I have stable income? How to learn things so I will keep working for many years to come, avoiding being pushed aside in my 50's and 60's? How to keep my body healthy and strong and teach my kids to do the same?<br /><br />I used to think getting my kids to college, being there for my parents, and getting through today was all I needed to do, and the rest would take care of itself. All would happen in good time. Then friends started dying and time seemed to compress. Don't get me wrong, I've seen death before. I lost a close brother at 25. I watched my close high school friend bury her Mom at 20 and her Dad at 21. I've seen the stupid tragedies of drunken drivers and stupid accidents. It all seemed distant. <br /><br />Until last week when suddenly lost a hairdresser of 20 years. Aurora had taken care of my husband's family for 35 years. I inherited her when I got married. She did all the kids first haircuts. Just before she died of cancer, she did my daughter's first highlights, the ones I swore I would make her wait until 16 for. I'm glad I gave in at 13 and that Aurora got to do them. I talked with Aurora about life like I seldom take the time to do with anyone else, since after all, Aurora had me for 2-3 hours at a shot 8 or 9 times a year. How often do we sit down with our spouses or friends and just talk for hours like that?<br /><br />I kept thinking about Aurora in the week since her funeral. She just kept popping into my head as I ran through my life. In the last week, I had 5 baseball/softball games, twins birthdays and one birthday party. I had a broken car and a broken dryer and too much work with no time to do it. I ran from item to item. I just keep saying yes to everyone and doing more. Yes, I can live without a dryer for 6 weeks since its only me impacted and we have so many other things to take care. Sure, I handle my car breaking down. I'll get up at 5, drive my husband to work in his truck at 6 and drive everyone around at 5 after my 9 hour day. Sure, I can make it to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Walmart</span> at 10 PM for birthday presents. I can make it more games, get a dryer and now go get groceries at 5 pm on a Saturday.<br /><br />There I am in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Wegman's</span>--after driving an hour to get tickets for a concert for my eldest and stopping at 2 stores to do so--getting groceries. My brain is on warp speed. I am thinking of my to-do list and lack of money this week due to a car repair, "Okay, get stuff here, then go to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Aldi's</span>, then cook dinner, then wash laundry, then go see a concert, then get up at 6 so I can get to the gym finally, go see my parents, drive to Chautauqua, and oh yes, get back to cook Sunday dinner and do more for the week". This is my weekend. I am at the checkout, admiring the blackberries in the cart in front of me, thinking, I wish I can gone at 8 AM to the farmer's market and got some stuff, I bet the blackberries would be cheap. I am thinking blackberries would be good with my strawberries, bananas and blueberries I picked up.And then I start to put stuff on the checkout belt, my chicken, beef, sausage, lunch meat, sweet potatoes, my leeks.<br /><br />Leeks? I didn't get leeks.<br /><br />There's onions too, and lettuce and asparagus. Crap, I picked up someone Else's cart. I have a whole cart of produce that is not mine and I never noticed. I walked the whole store and never looked down. I am sure I also missed the panicky person in produce who was trying to figure out where their cart went.<br /><br />I joke with the cashier that I am done shopping for the day. He's clueless at 16 and unaware how bad I feel about the mistake but I am also upset about being on auto pilot. "So you just don't want this stuff?" Yes, I don't want it and someone else will. I feel so bad, but under it all, I am thinking, cut it out. Go home, you are so fried you are not even aware of your surroundings. What else are you missing? How did you let this happen?<br /><br />I stopped turning on my creativity. I stopped drumming up my spirituality, I stopped going to church. I stopped talking to God. I stopped seeing my children and took them places instead. I stopped living for me and thought living for others was enough, was right, was what I what supposed to be doing.<br /><br />It's not.<br /><br />Sarah Ban <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Breathnach</span> wrote some awesome books in the early 90's on Simple Abundance. I thought it was about downsizing when I saw it on New Year's day in a used bookstore. What's its really about is finding you and keeping you, the real you that God intended. Abundance is there for all of us, and its not in the running around to baseball games or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Walmart</span> at 10pm or in the 70 hour work week in your downsized Fortune 500 company. Its in the authentic us under all the jobs at work we didn't do or the laundry we never folded, its the one that's funny and creative and a joy to talk with. The one who loves to watch House reruns with her son and drink wine while admiring her friend Lynne's garden. The one who used to blog and doesn't take the time.<br /><br />She's back and its about time.<br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-22322305877995390752009-05-14T06:22:00.003-04:002009-05-14T07:07:48.928-04:00Always a kid<span style="font-size:78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br />Mom's day with the parents is always amusing--for my kids. They love that my parents treat me as a teenager. It gives them great giggles to see a Mom they don't know, who get hollered at for not cleaning up the mess, told she drives too fast and gets a "what the hell are you wearing look" whenever she visits. I have come to believe its the highlight of their day, and often brings up funny stories for weeks after when they repeat my parents comments to me at opportune moments. Somehow, I can manage multi-million businesses but don't know how to dress myself or eat properly.<br /><br />Well, I know my parents have nothing but love for me at they make the comments they always have. I often wonder if we just lose the ability to see anything else but the little children when we look at our kids. While its great to see in them the countless hugs, the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bath time</span> kisses and cuddle time watching a video on Fridays, its not good to only see the times they were human and let us down by making bad choices or not doing things the way we would have. Its a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">delicate</span> balance and one we all fail at once in awhile.<br /><br />I often thought an amusing TV show would be one with parents who second guess every choice they ever made with their kids. Every <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">calammity</span> that happens now is directly related to something in the past in their minds. We see the child climbing out of the crib and the parents laughing, and flash forward to the teenager sneaking out of the window late at night. But now the parents have the ability to go back, and change the original decision, and we get to see a new outcome. So instead of laughing at the child, they sit on him and refuse to let him out of the crib, and then a whole other set of problems develops, like the inability to walk or explore. Sort of "Back to the Future" for families.<br /><br />The problem is of course, the reality would keep changing too much and who knows what the outcome would be . <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Severely</span> messed up I am sure. Great TV comedy, but bad reality TV. It is pretty easy to second guess ourselves during stress about the choices we have made and how we got where we are.<br /><br />Raising kids is a delicate balancing act and sometimes driving the boat backwards seems easier.<br />But the reality is that the wake of the boat is behind us. We can't turn around are have the water lay back down. We can't <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">re drive</span> the paths we have travelled, we can only go forward. We can't hit reverse, drive back to the hospital and put the baby back in (and who really wants to stay up all night teething again??). I often say during times of trouble that they can't be mine, I was drugged up and think I was given the wrong baby...but then my husband reminds me I didn't take drugs during the birth, it was only<em> after</em> that I needed to take <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">meds</span> to deal with permanent seats in detention, principals with direct lines to your office and modern day teenage rivalry via video tapes on You Tube and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">texting</span> insults at the speed of light. What ever happened to crying over simple phone calls and passing notes in math class? Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore.<br /><br />Despite all this, its still fun on a daily basis. Often we look back a year later and laugh about the crap that drove us to drink, like the time my son drove a go-cart 8 miles down Transit Road to pick up a friend, and ran out of gas on the way back. Of course, he had to call Dad to come pick him up. What a phone call that was. Or that Maggie regularly jumped on her twin Luke as a toddler to bite him on his back. "It was her only defense." I was afraid to go to the doctor with them for 3 years because I was sure they would think <em>I </em>was biting them.<br /><br />So whatever it is the kids have done now, it will pass. It's too easy to see every wrong thing they ever did and <em>not </em>see how much they have grown and changed, or see the person they are NOW. Its the cause of many fights and also many hugs and kisses. Groundings become moments to reconnect and reconfigure. We need to try and adapt to who they are now, not the child they were.<br /><br />All that being said, I have to go take Maverick out of time out. Its time for his <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">sippy</span> cup as we drive to go visit our new best friend, the high school principal.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-27328008891781429452009-05-02T07:53:00.002-04:002009-05-02T08:32:07.399-04:00The Ant Farm<span style="font-size:78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very soul.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br />Lovely spring time in Buffalo. The birds are chirping, and the brisk morning air envigorates my senses when I open the kitchen window. All seems right in the world, time to clean, time to garden, time to feel joy. Wait, who's that visiting again? Oh, its my friends, the carpenter ants.<br /><br />Every year, we seem to get a few visiting us, wandering around the kitchen a few at a time. No big deal, and soon enough, they seem to move outside. This year, they came in early April with warmer temps. 6 or so came. We stomped them out. The next morning, maybe a dozen. We shooed them away, killed some with whatever chemical we had nearby. Next week, 2 dozen ants. Hmm, more spray, empty out one cupboard, wash around. Next week, baking cupboard loaded with ants. Open lazy susan cupboar with all oils, vinegars, tea, coffee, loaded. Open cereal cupboard, more ants. Ants everywhere, crawling the walls, in the bathroom, yuck. My beautiful center island gets piled high with all my food. It's 3 feet high with flour, sugar, cereal, pasta, oil and spices. I have emptied the cupboards, vacummed, scrubed. They just keep coming.<br /><br />Crud, soon I am watching the little fellows march everywhere in neat uniform patterns. I think its a scene for an Alfred Hitchcock movie, where the ants take over my life, slowly eating all means of wood, destroying the infrastructure. I try to ignore them, use ant powder. Nothing. Finally laying on the couch, one crawls over me. That's it. Now I am mad, they are invading my precious nap time. They must go!<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong><span style="color:#330099;">"Can I declare carpenter ants as dependents?"--</span></strong>me, 5 Am one morning</span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"></span><br />I google the carpenter ant. Nice, the worst thing you can do is use pesticides to kill them instantly. The queen just gets mad and makes more babies. Great, I am causing the queen to have to have more sex. Like its a tragedy for her, she's probably grateful for the action. I however, am sick of this. I look up the correct chemicals to use. I need to get ones to make them ingest the poision and take it back to the nest.<br /><br />It suggests following the ants, to find the nest. 14 years of this, and we have never tracked down the nests, but I am on a mission now. I am possessed. I have a wild look in my eyes. All activity stops in the house, and we must get these damn ants out. I spend the day watching my own personal ant farm. We buy ant traps, and they don't seem to work. DH goes back to store to buys something else. I stand guard over them, following them.<br /><br />DH comes back with powder. Another $50 bucks spent. We watch them, follow them. Check the garage overhang honey. DH crawls up there with flashlight, nothing. Maybe they are in the sofet by the breezeway. Open that up, nothing. The back patio roof. Nothing. I know, the crawl space. He spends an hour crawling all around and emerges looking like Peanuts character with a cloud of dirt following him around. He even looks like he has hair with the cobwebs and dirt clinging to his scalp. Nothing there.<br /><br />Watch the little guys some more. I've got it, the stairs, they must be under them. DH knocks a hole in the back of the kitchen closet. Nothing. Well, I always wanted that closet to be bigger, now it is. We are out of ideas now. Spend the day dropping powder on them. Now I have white ants crawling over the kitchen, nice. A blizzard of pets.<br /><br />The next day they seem to be gone. We wait the week, they haven't come back. Clean up, put everything away. Go outside, get out the chairs, enjoy the hot air. Wait. What's that? The ants are out here now. Get the powder, give me a beer, time to get back to ant work.<br /><br />Oh the joys of spring. I think I'll say they are crawling in a virgin Mary pattern so at least I can charge admission when everyone comes to pray over them. With enough people, I am sure we can crush them. Not.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-72842605500548908792009-01-22T06:11:00.002-05:002009-01-22T06:51:57.165-05:00The New Economy<span style="font-size: 78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">I was listening to John Tesh radio show and he was talking about ways to save money is this soft economy, common tips we all have thought of like making coffee at home or look at going down to one car (how on earth can I be chauffeur to the world if I don't have a vehicle???) but he also talked about buying EXPERIENCES instead of things.<br /><br />This made me pause and think, hmmm. We all sit down and budget and review our money, and what we think we "have" to pay for, but what if did a macro view and shifted what we buy overall? Or how we buy and what it does for our economy?<br /><br />I've thought a lot recently about customer service (or lack of) and shifted how I make my purchases accordingly. One thing I really can't stand is waiting in long lines to pay for my purchases. It drives me crazy, but add in waiting in line to SELF-SCAN AND PAY and I get a little nutso. Large restaurant chains where you sit and wait like a herd of cattle are another push button for me. Expensive toys that cost as much as feeding a family of 4 for a week have also given me pause lately.<br /><br />I don't eat out often, but I am trying to go little local restaurants to help keep our economy going. I think small businesses really drive this country, so we all need to keep them in business. I love Cafe Espresso for a nice, European intimate Italian experience. Just fun to have drinks or great pasta dishes in a cozy atmosphere. I also stopped at Chester's in East Amherst last week for great Cajun food. A bowl of gumbo, a plate of jambalaya and red beans and rice for $10, how cool is that? I was at the Lake Effect dinner by UB last month and enjoyed the potato pancakes. I just love dinners that offer french toast or stuffed jalapenos--what's not to love?<br /><br />I've shifted some of my mindset of where to shop to get good deals. Adding in thrift stores has been fun. Carousel Clothing and Gifts has wonderful like new clothing and bags, as well as home decor that is fun to browse thru. What's not to love about a $5 sweater or Vera Bradley bad for 1/3 of retail? Used book stores are fun to browse in for unique and classic books. Its good to just slow down and let the mind wander when in there. And Salvation Army half price Wednesdays are sure to bring out the giggles. Maverick loves the Abercrombie flannel I picked up for $2. Who knew deals can make your heart sing?<br /><br />Time for me to also go back to homemade pizza nights. No, the quality of the crust suffers, but the toppings get creative as you use up leftovers and pile it on baby. Make your own snacks instead of grabbing the family size Doritoes. Homemade popcorn (yes, soccer boy, you can cook it on the stove, not in the microwave), bake your own soft pretzels and cinnamon tortilla crisps are yummy. The twins may whale there's nothing to eat, but suddenly apples get stuffed with peanut butter, raisins and chocolate chips or bananas get heated with some chocolate syrup and marshmallows for a gooey mess that warms you up.<br /><br />Now if I could only get them to clean up their own mess in the kitchen. What's that Ma, you said the same thing to me 30 years ago? Who me, I'm miss perfect. I would never get flour all over the dishwasher and floor while baking, would I?(Don't ask the queen this; she's still in therapy to recover from last year's baking day.)<br /><br />OK, maybe I can save up for a maid. Or swifter for dishes (I think that's called paper plates). Or just blame the kids, again.<br /></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-52537466601467076242009-01-19T06:38:00.002-05:002009-01-19T06:50:16.586-05:00Dinner for the Week in 60 mins<span style="font-size: 78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">Just do it needs to be my motto for the year. I tend to procrastinate big time and use any excuse to do something else. It comes down to organization mostly.<br /><br />The kids are off school today and wanted to see a movie last night. I put off cleaning and weekly chores on Saturday, so I had to do them yesterday. Normally, Sunday is cooking day. I make the big old-fashioned Sunday dinner and usually at least one more thing for during the week.<br /><br />So, here it was crunch time, I cleaned, its time to cook and I was blowing it off, or I might of, but I decided instead to have Maggie and Luke help me, so I could do my 3 hours of cooking in an hour. It was the price they had to pay for fitting the movie in around Sunday dinner. As we rushed, DH kept asking what we were doing, and they replied "Cooking for the week." And we did, in an hour. Pretty much side dishes need to finished, but all meals should be assembled and heated in less than 30 mins this week.<br /><br />We made: Pasta con Vodka sauce with chicken. I have started making my sauce, so I made a huge triple batch, split some out, made it into vodka sauce, which I made a double of. Cooked chicken and pasta, and finished it. Put double Pot roast in oven, half will be beef stew another night. Baked chicken wings and strips of plain chicken for me (trying to be good.). Twins mixed up and rolled meatballs (no Luke, half-pounders do NOT work here) and baked them. Nice to have a double oven to play with. Kids also made a huge bowl of salad and cut up veggies for wing night.<br /><br />We save a lot by not making convenience meals or take out. I try to show them real food doesn't take too long and is fun. We also started making our own cappuccino mix. They can make it hot or cold. For about $6, we make a huge 3 pound coffee can that last the 3 of them 2 weeks.<br /><br />Now if I could only automate laundry into an hour a week, I'd have it made.<br /><br /><br /></span><br /></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-60613116692065067772009-01-12T04:21:00.002-05:002009-01-12T04:59:30.462-05:00Self Care<span style="font-size: 78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;">"Your overweight self doesn't stand before you craving food, she's craving love."--<span style="font-size:100%;">Marianne Williamson<br /><br />I did my weekly grocery shopping yesterday and finally tracked down the January issue of "O" magazine (no Mr. Clancy, its not about orgasms, its the Oprah magazine, get over yourself already.) I've not really ever been a reader of her magazine, but I wanted to read about her comments on struggling with her weight. Yes, I could have trekked to the library, but my weekly trip has been rescheduled out of my life for a couple of months now. So, I found her comments on her struggle last year with her 40 found weight gain very informative, and here is one part that hit home for once:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What I've learned this year is that my weight issue isn't about eating less or working out harder, or even about a malfunctioning thyroid., It's about my life being out of balance, with too much work and not enough play, not enough time to calm down. I let the well run dry. Here's another thing this past year has been trying to teach me, Oprah continues, " I don't have a weight problem--I have a self-care problem that manifest itself through weight."<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>Now I have heard the self-care line many times before, but it really clicked when I read that, or you could say, I finally listened to it after searching out just that article. For the past 40 days or so I wanted to read that and kept thinking about it--why? I say we really do get messages when we are ready to listen, and not just when we need them.<br /><br />A self-care problem, me? I decided it must be an issue when I closely examined my dear friends Christmas presents to me. Syd's Mom bought me beautiful purple gloves and a scarf--after hearing that I never have gloves because my kids take them, and lose them, and I don't get out to replace them, I just drive around like a bag woman with mismatched gloves. (honestly, this story gets worse). The queen bought me jammies, "Barking All the Way" is on them, in honor of my dog Molly, who never shuts up when we are on the phone. The jammies are because I often can't find cuddly clothes to lounge around in, the sweats are dirty, the 2 pair of jammies are lost in the sea of laundry I haven't finished. And Mrs. GM gave me a glass measuring cup for liquid measure and a wine opener. She watched me try to get the cork off my wine opener so I could open another bottle, using pliers and whatever else, and decided maybe I had an issue with the old one. Again, why buy a new one, only I drink wine, its okay, never mind me, just go on.<br /><br />Wonderful, thoughtful gifts, everyone of them, and they all scream that I don't love myself enough to buy things to make my life easier. I put myself last, or in the case of the library, not on the list at all. Push your needs aside and never handle them. I can do without, its okay, I'm a Mom right? I even took exercising off the list. I so treasure my one hour alone before they house wakes from their crypts, that I stopped going to the gym. My husband started working overnights and is often asleep at night. In our tiny house, this means one less room to go to for solitude. I suddenly had no place to have quiet and wasn't getting it. The only time I could grab it was at 4 a.m. when I normally awoke to get up and go to the gym at 5. (I know, again with the why at that time--because I don't take time away from the family at night when I workout in the morning.)<br /><br />And then the food issues. Well, don't cook vegetables and fruits and seafood that you love, cook crap convenience food because everyone else likes that. There is a point when compromise becomes burying yourself a sea of excuses and you need to dig out and begin again. Love yourself enough to schedule your life with YOU in it. Plan some fun, buy what is necessary to make life livable and don't look back. I started with a chick flick on Friday with Hannah, rolled into Saturday by not working, and added in a trip to the book store on Sunday. Go me.<br /><br />I actually bought socks yesterday at Marshall's. The size 12's I was blessed with, which double as rocket launching pads for NASA, needed new coverings. I needed them for forever, as witnessed by me canvassing around for baseball socks last week when I couldn't find the last good pair I owned. I have to buy men's to have them last, and wasn't even making the trip for the past year. Jeesh. But I found them and some other goodies as well, like designer jeans for $16, yeah me!<br /><br />And this whole self-care thing isn't just about putting me in the equation, its about health. As I called my good friend last night to check on her Mom's breast cancer, she reminded me, we both need to lose the belly fat. Most major diseases come from that and we aren't young anymore as we think . Time is running out and we need to get the fat off now, not be a super model, but be healthy.<br /><br />Time to hit the gym....now where are those spinning shorts and sneaks? Do you think they'd let me in With jammies on?<br /><br />Take care of you, so you can take care of everyone else. Live strong.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span></span></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-58350913809870972022009-01-07T06:40:00.002-05:002009-01-07T06:58:02.071-05:00New Year's Resolutions<span style="font-size: 78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.<br /><br />Happy New Year! May Joy, love and prosperity mark all your days of the year, and may good health be with you and your family.<br /><br />It's time for self-evaluation, diets and belt tightening on the finances. Well, that got me through the morning of New Year's day, now what? Where do we go from here? Oh I know, I'll just think myself to a new me. Poof! I am blond, 25 years old and 125 pounds. Darn, the secret fairy didn't come through again! What now?<br /><br />Well, I know I need to get back to the gym. And I need to eat better. Okay, I say that every year. I usually do well at the gym but have been having trouble. Try a new time for awhile and see how that goes. And then the food. Well, I need to eat more vegetable and teach the kids that green stuff is not just the pizza crust that fell under their bed. Its actually good for you and fills you up. So my goal is to try a new fruit or a new vegetable each week. This week, I made beans and green. I had it at the Queens' house on New year's day, so I looked it. Kale, okay so I bought that and cooked it. Made everyone eat a portion. No one really likes beans, but I will keep trying. Made chili this week too. Send the air freshener to my house and keep the matches away!! Maybe just a tad too much fiber at once. It's okay to have the windows open when it's 17 degrees out, isn't it?<br /><br />And then the fruit. We just don't do it. So, I started buying juice for the kids, grape since its so good for you. And I will make a dessert out of fruit more often to get them used to it. We are just out of the habit.<br /><br />And snacks, well try to limit them. So, I didn't buy them this week. Get them eating them on a weekend treat, and not the rest of the time. And then a nice dessert on Sunday only. Give the cookies and candy a rest. None of us need it. Maggie thinks dinners should just be veggies and sweets. Her twin likes the sour food, vinegar and hot sauce. Go figure that one out--did the taste buds split in have when they were hatched?<br /><br />And the big one, maverick. He pretty much just wants tacos, pizza and pasta. I'll have to sneak the veggies in on him. I wonder if you can just grind them up and mix them in Red Bull or Monster? If those companies want Mom's on board, add vitamins and veggies and we're in. Convenience rules I guess.<br /><br />And most of all for the food control, cook again. I made 4 meals on Sunday afternoon. My kids couldn't believe it and wondered what was up. Chili, broccoli soup, chicken <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">picata</span>, scalloped potatoes, ham, salad. They don't know what real food is anymore. Time to hop on that. I know they think dinner comes in a plastic bag to be microwaved, but I'll have to work on that. We don't buy out much, but we sure did get lazy on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">premade</span> food issues.<br /><br />Send me your food tips! I need help. All this cooking wore me out....okay, just an excuse not to go to the gym again. I'll get on that--right after I eat the last of the Christmas cookies.<br /><br />The best resolution I can make, besides the food--be a better person everyday. Let's get on that, shall we?<br /></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-64592641889469343062008-12-24T04:51:00.003-05:002008-12-24T05:41:34.777-05:00A Twin Christmas<span style="font-size:78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.<br /><br /><br />One of the my favorite things to do at Christmas is to joke and talk about Christmas past. My children love to connect and share the history of their young lives over and over again. I started a Christmas journal years ago where I write about the holiday, who we visited with, what presents we exchanged, and how their lives are at that point in time. It's fun to do and wonderful to read.<br /><br />The twins especially love to hear stories of our lives in the house when they were mere toddlers. We live in a tiny Cape Cod style house and only have the living room to keep the twins safe in. Like all parents, we child proofed the room and put away glass objects when they were small. Since Maverick is 3 years older, pretty much the room was kid safe. Or as we learned, kid safe is never twin safe.<br /><br />We learned early that twins are more like combat troopers than toddlers. I am pretty sure the hospital should have sent us to boot camp to prepare instead of telling us how to change diapers. Look, we changed over 10,000 diapers but we never had twins in a room with a Christmas tree and presents before. I want to write a lecture "10,000 diapers and only one you. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Guerrilla</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Momfare</span> Survival Techniques Your Grandma Never Told You."<br /><br />First, once the twins started to run marathons at age 9 months, we put the gate up on the living room to keep them in there during times of answering phones, taking pots out of oven and Mom trying to shower, pee and do her hair in under 5 minutes. Storm a gate with 2 bodies and it will come down. Buy another, stronger gate, same thing. Have husband build custom 3 foot gate with 2 inch plywood and slates to hold it in place, and now you have something. In the twins must stay, so what else can we do for fun? Oh, grab at pretty lamp shades and see what's in there that is shiny and burn your hand. Out goes lamps. Stand on brother to climb on end tables. Remove end tables. Run to Mom's bookcase and pull off pretty books, again, and again and again. Mom puts bookcase in bedroom. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Hmm</span>, room is kinda bare now, lets' climb on back of couch and touch pretty pictures on walls. Crash, boom, all pictures come down. Remove all objects on walls. Let's beat on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TV</span> entertainment center and climb in,. Put TV on floor. Not much left now, let's go in rocker. Rock, rock, right into wall and leave large holes in drywall that makes Daddy nuts. Out goes rocker.<br /><br />And then we put up the Christmas tree. We were proactive, and took a large piece of leftover paneling and tied down tree stand. This prevented tipping of tree. No ornaments or lights on bottom, only top one foot. And no cover, let just keep taking it off tree stand and rolling in it. No presents, because ripping of paper is fun--Mom only needed to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">rewrap</span> about 10 times to learn this, dumb mommy. So there we were with our bare room, only couch, love seat, and TV on floor, and a tied down Christmas tree. Still, it never looked lovelier. God decorated the room for me, with my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">beautiful</span> family and our time together.<br /><br />As I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">appr</span>0ached this Christmas with the twins at age 12 and Maverick <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">at</span> 15, I was reminded of that sparse holiday. Money is beyond tight this season, so presents got less. But somehow, everywhere I turned I found exactly what I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">needed</span> for my budget. Again and again I went to the well, dipped in my greedy hands for a drink, and God filled it up. Shirts were on clearance at <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Abercrombie</span> for my god daughters. A sweatshirt that was really cool, price $100 was on sale for $35, so I could do the combined birthday-Christmas for my godson. Jeans were half the price I normally pay on sale. Flannel shirts appeared in perfect order at thrift store. Friends sent gift cards and gave me never been worn winter coats for Maggie. I found a great deal for Luke on a coat. The kids gave me small gift lists and seemed happy to get a few things. And then I got a great discount on a gift for my boss to make up for puking in his truck. Seems everyone loves a good story involving vomit and screaming at a new boss to drive faster and pass that granny going 20, who knew?<br /><br />All around me abundance abounds. I don't have my cookies baked, my gifts wrapped or my house scrubbed. I am pretty sure laundry won't get caught up until 2010 and eggnog better double for Christmas eve dinner, or I am in trouble. I have bags under my eyes from trying to work while recovering from major surgery and somehow put on the Christmas <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">pageant</span> that takes weeks to <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">orchestrate</span>, a year to save up for, 5 minutes to unwrap, and lasts a lifetime.<br /><br />And I wouldn't have it any other way. Chaos is bliss because it means that God trusts me with so much. I will work to remind us all that Christmas past is about the love and connections. Its the stories we share, like Jesus and Mary's travels and trials on that first Christmas. Ours just get richer with the retelling,<br /><br />Share your stories this holiday season, just as we do in church and in the bible and in our prayers. Let them out and sing Joy to the World today.<br /><br />God Bless and Merry Christmas.<br /></span><span style="font-size:78%;"></span>Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-62311435678912020142008-12-07T09:17:00.003-05:002008-12-07T09:49:19.183-05:00Post-operative stress<span style="font-size:78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"></span><br />We ran out of eggs this week.<br /><br />When I came home from the hospital last week, the children understood that Mom needed to heal and wouldn't be doing all she normally does, that she needed to rest. For the first 48 hours, it wasn't bad, they enjoyed asking me how I was doing and bringing me things. But it didn't really dawn on them, that my being sick wasn't the hard part; rather not having me do everything was.<br /><br />On Saturday, Luke was first up. He obligingly started the coffee and I slowly walked to the kitchen. "Okay, now I need you to be Mom." Be you, what do you mean? Let's start our day while the coffee brews, empty the dishwasher. We have no clean mugs, so we need to get them 0<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ut</span> and reload. Get the cups from the table. Okay, get the dishes from upstairs. Okay, get the dishes in the living room. Okay, load up and restart. Now let's go to the laundry room. I taught him how to run the washer and how much soap to use. Okay, let's wash <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">darks</span> first. I point down at the pile, okay, a couple of jeans, a couple of towels, Maverick's boxers, Maggie's bras. I see him freeze---yes, Luke, I am sorry I can't bend and you will have to touch the laundry in order to put it in the washer, and that means all of it, even their undies. He picks them up and quickly throws them like they have the plague.<br /><br />We tried to keep the laundry going, but no one wants to do it really. And sorting it and folding it became a nightmare. I tried to stay out of it, but there was the underwear problem. Suddenly, I had none. I don't know where they were. Honestly, Maggie said she didn't have them and I couldn't see them in the piles anywhere. I kept bathing, sticking my one pair in the wash and nabbing it later. And my sweat pants and jeans that fit also got sucked up in the sea of laundry. I was living in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">jammies</span> and getting a little sick of it. Guess I need to teach them some organizational skills. Like that their bedroom floors do not double as dressers, and that if you get someone <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">else's</span> clothes, give them to that person. And stop stealing my socks, darn it, another thing I couldn't find all week. I week to the chiropractor in dire pain, with a red and a blue sock on, no undies, and ripped sweats. Honestly, if I don't get well soon, I think people will start taking up collections for us because homeless people dress better.<br /><br />And then meals and food became another issue. I sent my husband shopping. I asked what he wanted to cook, and I listed what we would need for that. And get the usual 4 gallons of milk--yes 4. 4 twice a week, we drink a lot of milk. He picked up what I listed and nothing else. We seemed pretty good, until about Tuesday when we ran out of eggs.<br /><br />I have never run out of eggs. See, there just is a level of food I automatically have in the house, the basics. I automatically get them and don't even list them. Eggs, milk, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">oj</span>, peanut butter, butter, yogurt, fruit, paper products, bread, spaghetti sauce, cheese, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">lunch meat</span>, chicken, ground beef. While I thought of some of them, I forgot to check the eggs. I usually have at least 3 dozen, so we can bake or have them for a meal. Well, we had eggs twice for quick meals and we ran out. I have never done that before. <br /><br />No undies, no socks, no jeans, no eggs. Still, not a bad week. Friends are coming to help Maggie and I do the holiday baking. I can sit and mix and direct while they do the rest. And lot of other friends helped this week, I am so blessed. The queen helped me get some shopping done, bought me lunch and gave me beautiful steaks to eat one night. Mrs. Grocery made me excellent lasagna. Mrs. PT cheered me up with a visit and hot cocoa and cookies. Miss art picked me up and got me out of the house. Mrs. GM gave me free tickets to the nutcracker when her sister-in-law couldn't go. Mrs. Happy Mom brought me soup, yum yum, broccoli with cheese.<br /><br />I am truly blessed, thank you all. And maybe Santa will bring me undies in my stocking.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-7239416777195994612008-12-06T08:52:00.002-05:002008-12-06T09:28:48.649-05:00The Deer healers<span style="font-size:78%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.</span><br /><br />I often wonder if angels talk to us thousands of times each day, and we just don't have that channel tuned in. I think it's easy in times of trouble to just wallow in despair, focusing on what has gone wrong, turning the events over in our minds again and again and again. When we limit our focus that tightly, we blind ourselves to beauty of God that surrounds us.<br /><br />Back in late September, I had one particularly dark day when I couldn't pop myself up for anything. I was literally laying on the floor, crying, seeing no end to the plight of my job search and my depression. I spent about 10 days in a row churning my grief over and over again. No matter what method I tried to get going, I saw nothing but the spiraling down of life, my debts, my feelings of worthlessness and my failures as a human being. The tools I had used for months, meditation, inspirational <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">cd's</span>, reading, affirmations, and prayer were not pulling me up.<br /><br />I finally admitted the whole truth out loud to my therapist and began the process of my healing. She pinpointed a nasty event 10 days before that I had dismissed as inconsequential, which in reality had pushed me over the edge. Finally, I broke down the cement walls around my heart and understood what I was hiding. Afterwards, I stopped and got a coffee, and drove to nearby Glen Park to write in my journal about my feelings.<br /><br />It was a chilly fall day, so I took out my favorite Raggedy Anne sleeping bag and another blanket to wrap up in and sat in the middle of a small section of the park, surrounded by trees and birds. I quietly began to give thanks in my journal and to ask God to lift me out of my despair, once and for all, and to restore me to the loving confident woman I used to be. After about an hour, I took a little nap and enjoyed a true rest for the first time in weeks.<br /><br />I woke up, and took stock of the many things to give thanks for. Just then, out of the woods, 20 feet away, came 7 deer. They walked forward confidently and just watched me. It was so strange, like they were talking to me and looking at me as my beloved dog Molly does. So, I just sat still and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">quietly</span> started talking to them, telling them my problems. They watched me for a good 20 minutes. I stayed after they left and went home in peace.<br /><br />I remembered in my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">tai</span> chi class that our instructor talked about receiving messages from animals and birds and started to wonder about the deer. I continued on my healing, not quite there yet, but starting to come out of the fog of my sadness. 2 days later, across the street from my house, in the morning, 2 deer stood and watched me through the window again for 20 minutes. Still, I didn't quite connect the messages I would be receiving from the deer, but I talked to them softly about what I was feeling.<br /><br />On that Sunday, just before dusk, I was filled with anguish. Another week, no job prospects and the paper held nothing new, and I was feeling desperate. I drove to Glen Park to look at the birds and do some deep breathing. Out of woods came not my seven deer friends, not the 2 from my house, no, thirteen deer walked out of the woods and came 10 feet from me. I stood and talked to them for over 20 minutes and they listened. I felt such a peace and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">serenity</span> come over me. I felt like I must have imagined it, but as I walked to my car, I saw 2 ambulance attendants eating their lunch. The one guy asked me how I got them to stay near me for so long, was I feeding them? No, I said, I just talk to them.<br /><br />I looked it up about the deer, and its supposed to mean unconditional love and new beginnings. Shortly after, I got the lead on the marketing job I now have. I felt like the deer were sent to heal me and help me feel God's love. This week, I drove back to the park. My seven friends came out again and watched me while I talked.<br /><br />You never know where the messages may fall in your life. It's easy to cloak ourselves in the dark and not see the light shining around us. Look for it today and feel the healing.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-6434765709715468082008-11-27T14:12:00.002-05:002008-11-27T14:38:34.117-05:00Happy ThanksgivingLife Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.<br /><br />Today was a very special Thanksgiving. I imagined it just last week, the turkey all cooked, the side dishes steaming, the family gathered, and me giving thanks for getting a really good job after 8 months off. I was going to count my blessing for so many friends; Mark getting a job, Lorain's Dad pulling through so they could do the big trip up to Northern Canada, Tim's treatment for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">meslthemioma</span>, for help for Lisa's sister-in-laws brain tumor, for Laurie's son in the Coast Guard and Carla's 2 sons in the Navy, for Donna's husband Sam's foot injury, for my mother-in-law's recovery from breast cancer, for Mary's help on her dissertation, for a full-time teaching job for Denise, for a new pharmacist job for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Biljana</span> in Orlando, for the new job for John, blessings for my friend's Yvonne and Dan helping my husband and I get new jobs, for Matt's Dad's healing from cancer, for Nate's Mom's hysterectomy, for Chris's battle with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Guille</span> Barre syndrome---so many people have really been helped this year and I am so grateful, but all along I was really going to give thanks for ice chips.<br /><br />Yes, ice chips. What a blessing, the cold and the wet. Heaven. I had my first full week of work last week and came in Monday for a short holiday week. Pain in my side, no big deal, same pain I have had off and on. Did a 2 hour meeting, suddenly felt like puking. I haven't puked since I was 8. No, really I thought? Really? Yup, all over the bathroom. Had to have my new boss drive me to the emergency room. Want me to pull over he asks? Nope, just drive faster, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">blahhhhhh</span>, all over his Ford Expedition. What a way to make an impression on the new boss, puking in his truck. Get in there, 8 hours of tests, they tell me I have a large <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">cyst</span>, go home and call your OB guy in the morning.<br /><br />I try to stay home, but I can't get any pain medicine to stay down what with the puking and all. I am in more pain then it took to birth my 16 pounds of twins. I am shaking and screaming and making all kinds of promises to God if he would just take the pain away. I have DH drive me to closer emergency room, get more tests, get lots more medicine, have a woman come in to do a sonogram at 2 a.m., get my OB guy out of bed at 3, lots of fun. DH drives back to emergency room number one at 4 a.m. to get the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">cat scan</span> of my 4<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">th</span> dependent, a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">cyst</span> the size of Nebraska. Seriously, it was 12cm by 20cm. I am pretty sure they had to get a crane to take it out. It was so big, they put in a zipper for ease in removing the next one. I tried to get a tummy tuck while they were down there, but my OB/GYN said no two-fers, this wasn't Wegmans BOGO sale.<br /><br />All in all, from the first puking on Monday, to ice chips on Tuesday at 10, it was 34 hours without liquids or food. Nothing, because everyone was sure I must need surgery for something, but was it kidney stones, my <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">appendix</span> or a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">cyst</span>, no one could decide on for a whole day. Finally, they sent me to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">LALA</span> land to dream of Tim Horton's large black coffee at 8 p.m. Tuesday. I was never so grateful for ice chips at 10.<br /><br />So, as usual, I find it really amusing that I finally get a job to only need to leave due to a surgery. My friend is convinced I am just trying to milk the system. Unemployment was out, so now you need <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">disability</span>? What next she laments, Medicaid? A Handicapped sticker for your limp from sitting on your butt all year?<br /><br />Yup, I give thanks for all my friends who know me so well and give me grief when I am sick. Here I am taking it easy again. But I am home, and I am so grateful.<br /><br />Have an amazing Thanksgiving.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-13138762891634790682008-10-31T11:36:00.002-04:002008-10-31T12:03:43.198-04:00Trick or Treat<span style="font-size:85%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;">Knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness--</span>George Santayana<br /><br />My 15<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Halloween</span> with my kids already. I can hardly believe it. This year I have a candy corn witch, a banana and a gangster. Yes, Maverick is trick or treating again. So if a 6 foot banana shows up at your door, don't be alarmed, just give him the contents of your refrigerator and you'll be fine. He doesn't eat much, just everything not tied down, especially skittles and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Swedish</span> fish, and maybe all your peanut butter and white bread too. He thinks a serving size of juice is a 2 quart bottle, but hey, he's learning to cook at his <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">dish washing</span> job, so maybe he will get refined tastes, like wheat pasta instead of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ramien</span> noodles. Yes, and I hope and believe in all the good things in life.<br /><br />My costume this year is still the sweat pants, Red cross blood donor <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">tee shirt</span> and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Aeropostle</span> sweat shirt that I have been in about 8 months now. I used to get up, write, work out from 530 to 640, shower, get kid one up and yell at him to step closer to the soap today, pack my lunch, get kid two up and hook up her intravenous coffee, do my hair and makeup, yell at kid three to go shave and get a move on, let the dog out, sign papers, check email, unload dishwasher, reload dishwasher, start laundry, empty garbage, get something out for dinner, and leave for work; all in one hour.<br /><br />Well, now, I roll over, crawl to the stairs, yell "Luke! Maggie! Get up, " stumble back to bed and pull the covers over my head. Luke makes coffee and hops in the shower. Maggie crawls in bed with me and says yet again that she is too tired to go to school. I turn on the news, cover up the dog, turn on a light, listen to the news, yell at Maggie to actually drink the coffee so she doesn't have to sit on the bottom of the shower to wake up, ask Luke to get something out for breakfast, yell up to Maverick to wake up and pile on more covers to keep warm while sipping my coffee. If I am lucky, I pull on sweats and drive the kids to school, but <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">some days</span>, (shh, don't tell anyone) I drive in my pink polka dot <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Jammie's</span>. Then I get home, do <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Tai</span> Chi, meditate to Wayne Dyer, do some writing and maybe look at job postings. Afternoons I do some more writing and a little house work, go to the park, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">visit</span> the deer, come home, nap, and then do some more work. I am usually functional by 4 in the afternoon when the kids come home.<br /><br />Well, that's all over for me now. One week of vacation before the I have to pull the big girl panties on and get back to work. Finally, someone believes I can do a job for them. Okay, so it took 12 hours of interviews and some whining to get the job, but at last, I have one.<br />Back to the gym and more regular schedules for me. Stop watching Leno and Conan. Actually get to sleep at a normal time. Eat real meals, not nachos for dinner. Know what day it is without having to consult a calender again.<br /><br />Yes, its true, I do have abilities far reaching and its time to get there. Thank you to the Queen for networking and getting me a wonderful lead. Thank you to God for answering my prayers. And thank you to all my friends who helped me through this extended nap time. I couldn't have done it without you.<br /><br />Now we just have to see if this is a trick or a treat of a job. But the really cool thing, after wearing silk long underwear, 2 pairs of socks and gloves to type at my last job----just a tad cold in the office--now I have my own thermostat. I am so excited. I can set my own temperature. I don't even have to fight with my always hot DH to turn it up. Wow.<br /><br />Trick or treat, I'm ready. It was this or I would have gone out collecting candy tonight as a bag woman. Thank God for this, children really don't need to be scared tonight by me. Have fun, and save some snickers for me.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6349071664652405142.post-11591824800788552582008-10-14T15:43:00.002-04:002008-10-14T16:03:49.339-04:00Beauty<span style="font-size:85%;">Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color:#000066;">Let the beauty we love be what we do.</span> ~<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Rumi</span> ~</span><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"></span><br />Took Maverick out on a photo shoot last night for his class. Took 5 pictures of the area and then we ran to get them developed at a quick place. Mrs. no-mechanical ability needs to see why her computer gifted child can't upload his pics. But still, as a Mom, who has a child taking pics on the last possible day before the project is due, in the final minutes of daylight mind you, we do what we can. We get <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">thru</span> this crisis and then suffer with whatever needs to be fixed later. Nothing but tenacious I am.<br /><br />So we are there in the drug store, getting the photos and I pay. And the smiling child (who knew 7 year <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">olds</span> could work there) hands me a coupon. Have a nice night. I look eagerly at the coupon. One time it was buy a lipstick, get one free, so I am anticipating the fun. Not tonight, oh no, What I scream, as I read it. <em>Sign up for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">AARP</span> free? </em><br /><br />God, I must look bad. I mean, I know I need to start buying the hair dye in 50 gallon tubs. My <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">irish</span> heritage shining through with white roots every 2 weeks now. And the lip hair, really needs a tub of Nair again, it could be braided its so long. And well, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">mabye</span> I am skimming on the moisturizer. 7 months out of work tends to make you buy the 99 cent one gallon all purpose moisturizer-car lube special. And well, who needs makeup on a boring Monday night, right? And the sweats held together with a safety pin by the one big hole; that probably wasn't a good idea either. And oh, nice, I have an old Red Cross blood donation shirt on, something most seniors wear. And I'm holding a coupon. And I have the really big, multi-purpose purse/lunch bucket with me. And the cheap sneaks. Gawd, I look like a bag lady tonight!!!!!<br /><br />I don't even thing <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">AARP</span> would have me. I look too old. I look like, oh my, my mother. And my grandmother before her, God rest her soul. The safety pin in the pants is the kicker. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Jeesh</span>. Mom always complained that Gram wouldn't wear the nice clothes they bought her, but kept on wearing the old rags instead. And would blow her nose, and miss the garbage can with the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">kleenex</span>. What's that on the rug? Excuse me, that is not mine, no its must be the kids. I would never be so messy (Please be quiet about that Mrs. Queen, no one is as neat as you.)<br /><br />All right, time to go back to work already. I have a kick ass interview Thursday. Everyone pray for the bag lady.<br /><br />I'll keep you posted. Time to go, um, lots of shopping to do. Anyone have a coupon for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">L'Oreal</span> hair dye and Nair? And a Girdle.Kathryn Worthington Smythehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08400622612175331241noreply@blogger.com1